Key Takeaways
- Depression in men often shows up as anger, irritability, or risky behavior instead of sadness.
- Men are less likely to seek help for depression and may hide their feelings with work or substance use.
- Encourage men to talk about their feelings and seek professional help when they’re ready.
When someone you care about seems off, it’s only natural to worry about them. Maybe you’ve noticed that they’re not quite themselves lately—they’re more withdrawn, easily irritated, or just feeling tired all the time. These changes might seem subtle or even easy to dismiss, but they could be signs of something deeper like depression.
Symptoms of depression are easy to overlook but may be even less noticeable in men. Why? According to Tatiana Rivera Cruz, MSW, LCSW, a therapist at ADHDAdvisor, signs of depression in men don’t always align with stereotypical ideas of how depression is expressed. Depression in men often manifests differently than in women because men face unique pressures from societal expectations and norms around how they should and shouldn’t behave, adds Anand Mehta, LMFT, executive director at AMFM Healthcare.
The differences in how men experience and express depression can lead to underdiagnoses or misunderstandings about the disorder, says Mehta. It doesn’t help that men are less likely to reach out for help when they need it.
So, how do you know if a male figure in your life—friend, parent, romantic partner—is experiencing depression? Below, we list some signs and symptoms of depression in men and explain how you can support them through this challenging time.
Symptoms of Depression in Men
Below, we explore some of the common signs of depression, and how they might manifest in men, including subtle signs and symptoms you might overlook:
Common Symptoms
These are some of the more common symptoms of depression in men:
- Irritability: Men are less likely to express sadness and more likely to display anger, irritability, or aggression, says Mehta.
- Emotional numbness: Men might experience a sense of emotional numbness or detachment rather than overt sadness or crying, says Cruz.
- Withdrawal: Men may be more likely to isolate themselves from others, withdrawing from social activities and relationships.
- Difficulty concentrating: Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering details can also be signs of depression.
- Risky behavior: Men might engage in risky behaviors to cope with their feelings, says Mehta. This might include gambling, driving recklessly, or other rash behaviors.
- Substance use: Increased use of alcohol or drugs is also a coping mechanism for underlying depression, says Cruz.
- Sleep disturbances: Sleep disruptions, such as insomnia, oversleeping, or waking up too early are symptoms of depression that are more likely to be reported in men than women.
- Fatigue: Persistent fatigue or a lack of energy, even after sufficient sleep, can also be indicators of depression.
- Changes in appetite or weight: You may notice significant unexplained weight loss or gain, or changes in their eating habits, says Cruz.
- Aches and pains: Men are often more comfortable discussing their physical health, while they shy away from discussing emotional issues. They may be more likely to report physical symptoms such as headaches, digestive issues, or unexplained pain, says Mehta.
Symptoms That May Be Less Noticeable
Some symptoms of depression in men can be more subtle and easier to miss, particularly in men. According to the experts, these include:
- Restlessness: Men might become unusually restless, fidgety, or agitated, often without a clear reason.
- Procrastination: Chronic procrastination or avoidance of tasks, especially those that require effort or focus, can indicate a lack of motivation linked to depression.
- Lack of motivation: Men might not openly discuss feelings of hopelessness or guilt, but instead show a decline in motivation or a significant decrease in energy, says Mehta.
- Overworking: On the other hand, men may throw themselves into work to distract from their feelings, leading to excessive work hours, burnout, or an obsession with their career.
- Excessive exercise: Some men may try to compensate for their depression by exercising excessively to feel better.
Research shows that since men are less likely to seek mental healthcare, they are less likely to receive the help they need, making them disproportionately vulnerable to suicide.
Talking to a Man About Depression
If you’ve noticed that someone you care about might be struggling with depression, you might wonder how to bring it up with them. Talking to any person with depression but especially a man can be challenging, but approaching the conversation with care and empathy makes a significant difference, says Cruz.
The experts share some tips to help you broach the topic:
- Choose the right time and place: Cruz recommends finding a private and comfortable setting where you both can talk without interruptions. Avoid bringing up the topic when the person is rushed, upset, or in the middle of something.
- Express your concern: Start by expressing concern based on specific observations—mention changes in behavior or mood that you’ve noticed, says Mehta. For example, “I’ve noticed you seem stressed; do you want to talk about it?”
- Avoid making assumptions: Don’t jump to conclusions or diagnose. Instead of saying, “I think you’re depressed,” try, “It seems like you’ve been going through a tough time. What do you think is going on?”
- Be compassionate: Let the person know you’re concerned because you care, not because you’re judging them. Approach the conversation with compassion and understanding.
- Listen to what they’re saying: Give the person space to share their thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, just having someone listen can be a huge relief. Avoid interrupting them or jumping in with your own perspective too quickly.
- Don’t minimize their feelings: Avoid pushing the person to “snap out of it” or minimize their feelings, says Mehta. Instead, he recommends reinforcing that you’re there for them, no matter what.
- Normalize the issue: Help the person understand that depression is a common issue and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You might say, “A lot of people go through this, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. There are ways to feel better.” It’s important to acknowledge that it’s okay to struggle and need help, says Mehta.
- Be patient: The person might not open up right away, or they might not have the words to describe what they’re feeling, says Cruz. “Allow them to share at their own pace. If they’re not ready to share their feelings or seek help immediately, respect their boundaries while letting them know you’re available if they need you.”
- Offer help: Offer to help the person find resources, such as a therapist or support group, and remind them that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness, says Mehta.
- Stay connected: Regularly check in with the person to show them you’re there for them, says Cruz. “Even simple gestures like sending a text or spending time with them can make a big difference.”
Men often face significant stigma around mental health, which can make it harder for them to reach out for support. It’s crucial to create an environment where they feel safe discussing their emotions without fear of judgment.
Getting Help and Support for Men With Depression
If the person is open to it, these are some forms of support that may be helpful:
- Therapy: A therapist or counselor who has experience with treating depression in men can offer a safe space for the person to begin addressing their depression.
- Support groups: A support group can be a great way for the person to connect with others who have similar experiences. Whether in-person or online, these groups offer understanding, empathy, and a sense of connection.
- Primary care: Sometimes, starting with a general physician can be less intimidating. Encourage the person to talk to their doctor about what they’re going through. The doctor can assess their symptoms and refer them to a mental health professional if needed.
- Online therapy or apps: If the person is hesitant about face-to-face therapy, suggest online therapy or mental health apps. These can offer an easier and more accessible way for them to start getting help.
- Crisis resources: If the person is experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, it’s important to act quickly. Contact a crisis hotline like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or local emergency services for help.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
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Eggenberger L, Ehlert U, Walther A. New directions in male-tailored psychotherapy for depression. Front Psychol. 2023 Apr 18;14:1146078. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1146078
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Rice SM, Oliffe JL, Kealy D, Seidler ZE, Ogrodniczuk JS. Men’s help-seeking for depression: Attitudinal and structural barriers in symptomatic men. J Prim Care Community Health. 2020 Jan-Dec;11:2150132720921686. doi:10.1177/2150132720921686
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National Institute of Mental Health. Men and mental health.
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New York State Office of Mental Health. Men and depression.
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National Institute of Mental Health. Depression.
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Cleary A, Griffith DM, Oliffe JL, Rice S. Editorial: Men, mental health, and suicide. Front Sociol. 2023 Jan 16;7:1123319. doi:10.3389/fsoc.2022.1123319
Additional Reading
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National Institute of Mental Health. Depression.
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National Institute of Mental Health. Men and mental health.
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New York State Office of Mental Health. Men and depression.
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