Key Takeaways
- Normal grief may feel intense at first but usually becomes manageable after 6 months.
- Anticipatory grief happens before a loss when you see a loved one suffering.
- Complicated grief can last longer and be more intense, often needing extra support.
The way that people cope with loss and death depends on numerous factors, including their personality, their relationship to the person that they lost, their cultural or religious beliefs, their mental health history, and their support system.
Everyone grieves in their own unique way, and most grieving journeys do not follow a linear pattern. As such, psychiatrists have found it useful to sort the different ways that people grieve into several types and subtypes.
Hannah Mayderry, LMHC
We need to normalize grief in all its forms and be curious about the experiences of others before making judgments.
— Hannah Mayderry, LMHC
Here, we’ll look at nine different types of grief, including why the different types occur, what the types look like, some real-life examples, and how each type of grief affects other aspects of a person’s life.
Normal/Common Grief
This is the most common type of grief, or what is to be expected in a typical course of grieving. Symptoms include shock, disbelief, and denial in the immediate aftermath of the death. This is usually followed by intense emotions, and longing to have the loved one back. Of course, the order of when these feelings present themselves will vary.
People with this type of grief will “feel all the feels” but can usually manage to carry on with their day-to-day functions. In time, although the sting never completely goes away, the feelings become more distant, and life moves on. Feelings usually become more manageable by 6 months and resolve in some concrete way in 1-2 years. About 50%-85% of people experience normal/common grief.
Anticipatory Grief
Anticipatory grief is grief felt before a death or loss occurs. “It’s an early heartache that comes when we see someone we care about suffering,” explains Hannah Mayderry, LMHC, licensed mental health counselor. Examples of anticipatory grief are when someone you love has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, such as cancer, or when you expect that a person will die soon.
“My understanding of this type of grief deepened when my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease,” Mayderry shared. “The painful reality of watching her slowly drift away, even while she was still with us, taught me about the unique struggles of anticipatory grief.” Mayderry describes anticipatory grief as a “whirlwind of sadness, worry, and exhaustion” that you are experiencing all while you are acting in the role of caretaker.
Anticipatory grief is challenging because it doesn’t fit the usual narrative of grieving after a loss, says Mayderry. But it’s important to acknowledge the feelings and be mindful that what you are experiencing is a real type of grief.
Complicated Grief (Prolonged Grief)
Complicated grief is a term used to discuss various types of grief that exist outside of the norm of what grief usually looks like.
Complicated grief usually occurs when a loss is sudden or traumatic, and when the grief is more intense and lasts longer than other types of grief. Complicated grief used to be referred to as abnormal or pathological grief.
There are three subtypes of complicated grief: chronic grief, delayed grief, and absent grief, which we will discuss below.
Chronic Grief
Most people start to feel better within 6 months after loss and usually feel normal within 1 year. Chronic grief is when the feelings of grief last longer. Many people experiencing this type of grief also experience symptoms of clinical depression, generalized anxiety disorder, or PTSD.
In the DSM-5-TR, chronic grief may be diagnosed as persistent complex bereavement disorder or prolonged grief disorder.
Absent Grief
Absent grief is when a person shows very few visible signs of grief after a loss, says Kalley Hartman, LMFT, the Clinical Director at Ocean Recovery in Newport Beach, CA. “People who have this type of grief can be completely unaware that they are grieving due to the lack of emotional response or symptoms such as deep sadness, guilt, or regret,” Hartman says.
Kalley Hartman, LMFT
People who have this type of grief [absent grief] can be completely unaware that they are grieving due to the lack of emotional response or symptoms such as deep sadness, guilt, or regret.
— Kalley Hartman, LMFT
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), absent grief often happens as a result of someone being in deep denial about the loss or wanting to avoid the emotional upheaval that results from losing someone.
Delayed Grief
Grief doesn’t always follow a timetable, and some people find that their feelings of grief occur on a delayed timetable.
Delayed grief is when you experience grief much later than expected, says Mayderry. When this happens, it may be puzzling and lonely, she says, especially when you see others grieve in a more “normal” way.
“When feelings of sadness hit months, or potentially even years down the line, we can find ourselves shocked, confused, and uncertain of how to cope with these emotions,” Mayderry says. “It is important to validate your emotions and reach out to loved ones and/or mental health professionals who can support you throughout your grief journey.”
Distorted Grief
Distorted grief is a kind of grief that has non-typical symptoms, and often symptoms that appear more intense or unusual to others. Some of the feelings that may be experienced among people with distorted grief are anger and depression in the absence of feelings of loss or sadness, says Hartman.
“They may also deny the fact that their loved one has died and wish for them to come back even though it’s impossible,’ she describes. “Symptoms include unreasonable expectations from others, acting out in ways that may damage relationships with family members or friends, and feeling disconnected from the world.”
Collective Grief
We usually think of grief as in individual experience. But when widely known events that include loss are experienced by large groups of people, a phenomenon called collective grief may occur.
Collective Grief Examples
Examples of this type of grief include the death of George Floyd, the 9/11 attacks, and the COVID-19 pandemic. Collective grief may impact certain racial or ethnic groups more intensely, such as the repeated instance of social injustices against Black people.
Symptoms of collective grief vary, says Hartman, but may include shock, confusion, disbelief, or trouble concentrating. “Collective grief can also lead to prolonged sadness and physical exhaustion in those affected, as well as changes in behavior such as withdrawing from social activities or engaging in reckless behavior,” she describes.
Disenfranchised Grief
Sometimes called “hidden grief,” disenfranchised grief is a type of grief that isn’t considered acceptable to express on a societal level. These are types of grief you might have been told are “better left unspoken.”
Some examples of disenfranchised grief include grief that happens after a pregnancy loss or miscarriage or the death of a nurse’s or doctor’s patient. Many people feel that it’s not socially acceptable to openly grieve the loss of a pet as well.
When people feel that they aren’t given permission to grieve openly, or that their grief is somehow less valid than other types of grief, unhealthy grieving patterns can result, and people lose the opportunity to receive help and support in their grieving process.
It’s important to remember that all types of loss are real and that it’s OK to feel whatever you are feeling about your loss. Please don’t hesitate to reach out for support.
Resources That Can Help You If You’re Dealing With Grief
Whatever type of grief you may be experiencing, you should know that you aren’t alone. You should also know that if you are experiencing grief in an unexpected way, there is nothing wrong with you. “I always remind my clients every person’s journey through grief is unique, and there’s no right or wrong way to grieve,” Mayderry assures. “We need to normalize grief in all its forms and be curious about the experiences of others before making judgments.”
Support is out there for anyone who needs it. Besides reaching out to a mental health professional for support, there are organizations that can help you with the type of grief you are experiencing, and can guide you toward appropriate support.
Here are some good places to start:
