Whatever the reason, choosing not to drink—and owning that decision—is definitely a process, whether you’re doing it for one night, a few months, or forever. Even as trends like the sober-curious movement and Dry January have helped normalize sobriety as a socially acceptable choice in a liquor-loving culture, some stigma and judgment—or even just questions—still linger.
In part, that’s because saying no often requires a level of self-advocacy many of us aren’t used to. “The discomfort around ordering a mocktail isn’t always about the alcohol itself,” Annalyse Lucero, LMFT, a licensed therapist based in Albuquerque, tells SELF. “Oftentimes, it’s more about the challenge of setting boundaries without feeling guilt and fear about disappointing others.” (Maybe you’re worried about seeming uptight around your tipsy coworkers, or dread standing out at a party with your empty hand.)
It’s not easy to confidently reply, “No thanks! Stop asking!” when you’re put on the spot. So to make boozy situations less nerve-wracking, we’ve rounded up a few direct responses (along with some clever excuses) for the next time you want to shut down follow-ups and enjoy your sparkling water in peace.
1. “Actually, I’m good with this.”
“Naturally, some people might call you out simply because they notice you don’t have a drink in your hand,” Lucero says. An easy fix, then, is to hold something—Coke, sparkling water with lime, or a fruity mocktail that looks like a real one.
And if someone does catch on to the fact that your cup is alcohol-free—and tries to change that by offering a complimentary tequila shot—then you can casually assert that you’re perfectly happy with what you’ve got, Lucero says. It’s a simple, non-confrontational way to stand your ground and avoid unnecessary back-and-forth.
2. “I’m trying to save money right now.”
In today’s economy, cocktails, vodka shots, even draft beers are getting undeniably pricey. Leaning into this financial reality isn’t just super relatable; it’s also a solid excuse most people won’t push back on, Sasha Hamdami, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist based in Kansas City, Missouri, tells SELF.
That said, this option might not work if you’re with generous friends who inconveniently insist on picking up the tab or covering your round. If that’s the case, consider pivoting to one of the many other responses below that might better fit your particular situation.
3. “I have to get up early tomorrow.”
What, exactly, you’re waking up for is up to your imagination, Amanda White, LPC, LMHC, owner of Therapy for Women Center in Philadelphia and author of Not Drinking Tonight: A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Love, tells SELF. If you’re stuck at a Thursday happy hour, maybe it’s tomorrow’s 8 a.m. meeting you need to prep for. Or on the weekend, a Sunday morning yoga class you’re already committed to—and don’t want to show up hungover for.
