Key Takeaways
- “Trauma lurking” is a term that comes from internet culture and describes the act of watching or reading others’ trauma stories online without actively engaging with them.
- Some people find comfort and validation in learning about other people’s traumatic experiences.
- Experts caution that trauma lurking can worsen trauma symptoms if the practice becomes compulsive or replaces active coping.
Do you often find yourself scrolling through candid confessions on #TraumaTok or reading Reddit threads about strangers spilling their emotional struggles? You may be “trauma lurking.” Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.
Trauma lurking is the act of quietly seeking out stories of other people’s traumatic experiences, typically on social media or online forums, without actively interacting with them. It’s like the online version of eavesdropping on someone’s emotional outpouring from the next table in a café, while pretending to stare into your coffee mug.
So why do we feel drawn to it? And more importantly, can trauma lurking help us heal or make things worse? Here’s what the experts say.
Why Do We Trauma Lurk?
We may feel drawn to trauma stories because we hope to see parts of our own experience reflected in them. Finding commonality in those stories could bring comfort. Trauma lurking may also feel like a helpful way to process your own experiences and learn coping skills vicariously. Seeing others openly share their experiences may also minimize any feelings of shame and guilt associated with your trauma.
“Reading about others’ experiences has majorly helped me process what happened to me,” says Grace from Wisconsin, who likes to read Reddit threads about other people’s experiences with emotional abuse.
“Emotional abuse can be so disorienting and reality-bending. Reading about others’ experiences made me feel validated for all the confusion, grief, and anger I felt and lifted a lot of the shame that I felt was keeping me stuck and afraid,” Grace explains. “I have screenshotted many conversations and look back at them to feel more sure of myself and my experience.”
From a clinical perspective, people may engage in trauma lurking when unresolved trauma is present in their own lives, says Allison Briggs, LPC, a licensed professional counselor specializing in trauma and PTSD.
Hearing similar storylines to our own can trigger traumatic memories. Briggs says trauma memories are stored not just in the brain but throughout the body, and can manifest in various emotional and physical reactions.
Signs You May Be Trauma Lurking
The behavior can take on many forms. You may be trauma lurking if you:
- Watch hours of reels or short videos about people’s traumatic experiences.
- Crave all the details when you hear someone discovered their partner was cheating.
- You love reading subreddits about breakups, family fallouts, toxic workplaces, and other personal struggles.
- You’re a reality TV superfan.
When Trauma Lurking Becomes Unhealthy
Trauma lurking is a common behavior, and it’s rooted in natural human instincts like survival and social comparison, says Yuki Shida, LMFT, a licensed therapist specializing in intergenerational and childhood trauma. However, it can sometimes spiral out of control and impair your ability to function.
According to Shida, trauma lurking can cause a phenomenon called “vicarious trauma.” You may experience it if you have a stressful response to hearing the details of a traumatic event that happened to someone else.
“If some of the elements hit too close to home, you may suddenly respond the same way you did when you were experiencing the trauma, which can include dissociation and emotional distress,” Shida explains.
If you catch yourself trauma lurking, check in on yourself to see if it’s negatively impacting your emotions, says Briggs. If the habit leads to intrusive thoughts or makes you feel anxious, withdrawn, irritable, or numb, it’s time to pause and redirect your attention toward more intentional coping strategies, she says.
What to Do Instead
If you catch yourself trauma lurking and it starts to feel unproductive, these steps can help shift your focus in the moment:
- Grounding techniques: Shida suggests bringing yourself to the present by counting nearby objects—like ceiling tiles or trees—or listing and categorizing items, perhaps by color or texture.
- Visualization: Visualize and mentally describe a familiar, safe place in as much detail as possible.
- Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense a group of muscles tightly for a few seconds, then completely relax them. “Move through different muscle groups in your body like your legs, arms, and torso,” Shida recommends.
- Controlled breathing: Licensed clinical psychologist Katie Carhart, PhD, recommends calming the nervous system with mindful breathing exercises like box breathing, 4-7-8 breathing, and pursed lip breathing.
- Vagus nerve stimulation: Stimulating the vagus nerve can help relax your nervous system from a state of hyperarousal, reducing anxiety and overwhelm. Dr. Carhart recommends splashing cold water on your face, holding an ice cube, or humming a song.
Managing a counterproductive trauma-lurking habit may require more intentional healing, too, through:
- Social support: Connect with friends, loved ones, a therapist, or others who listen without judgment and make you feel safe to express yourself. “Simply having someone else acknowledge and validate you can help you feel less alone and more understood,” Shida says.
- Self-compassion: Create a safe internal environment for growth and healing. Go easy on yourself and hold space for your feelings without judgment.
- Self-education: Learn about your nervous system and trauma responses. Briggs says doing so can reduce fear and shame and help you respond to triggers more intentionally.
- Therapy: Work with a therapist who is trained in treating trauma. Certain therapy types, like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) and somatic therapies, can be especially effective, says Briggs.
Remember that healing isn’t linear. If old symptoms resurface, try to meet them with curiosity rather than shame. “You’re not going backward, you may just be reaching a deeper layer of healing that wasn’t accessible before,” Shida assures.
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