Despite the fact that there’s nothing inherently sexy or romantic about winter, the season has somehow become known for its “cuffing.” Couples start to pair off, holiday rom-coms take over our screens, and the inevitable “Are you seeing anyone special?” questions from nosy relatives roll in.
Even if you’re totally okay with your relationship status, being single during the holidays can be especially difficult, thanks to all the pressure and expectations built into this time of year. So for anyone who’s feeling lonely, isolated, or anxious right now, here are a few ways to survive—and actually enjoy—the next few weeks.
1. Embrace your desire for a relationship, but don’t let it define your worth.
There’s no shortage of cliché advice dedicated to owning your single status. This can end up feeling like pressure to love your solitude—and make you feel guilty if you don’t.
The truth is, “there’s nothing wrong with wanting a romantic relationship, just like there’s nothing wrong with not wanting one,” Jennifer Creson, LMHC, a Seattle-based mental health counselor and owner of Protea Wellness, tells SELF. And ultimately, “judging ourselves for our needs and wants is what hurts us.” Instead, a healthier (and more realistic) approach is to tune into where your desire to be partnered up is coming from. If it’s solely to escape boredom or get validation, then focus on ways to feel connected to others that don’t involve relying on a love interest (more on that below). If it’s stemming from pressure to align with others’ expectations for you, remind yourself that everyone is on their own timeline. (Just because your parents met right out of college doesn’t mean you have to.)
2. Recognize when your family’s values don’t align with your own.
Whether it’s your worried mom or invasive uncle grilling you about your relationship status, know that these comments often say more about them than you. “Families put pressure on us for many reasons, but most are fear-based,” Creson says. “Fear for us, or fear for themselves. But we don’t need to take on our family’s fears and internalize them.”
So the next time a relative tries prying into your love life, try setting boundaries without turning it into a defensive confrontation. You can redirect the conversation to other “successes” unrelated to your relationship status—maybe a big promotion, a new friend group you got closer to, or a travel experience that brought you joy. Not only does this deflection shift the focus away from who you are (or aren’t) dating, but it also reminds everyone (including yourself) that your worth isn’t tied to having a partner.
