Key Takeaways
- Gender nonconforming means not following society’s typical gender norms.
- People of any gender identity can be gender nonconforming.
- Gender expression can be different from gender identity and biological sex.
Gender nonconforming means not adhering to society’s gender norms. People may describe themselves as gender nonconforming if they don’t conform to the gender expression, presentation, behaviors, roles, or expectations that society sees as the norm for their gender. People of any gender identity can be gender nonconforming.
Learn more about what it means to be gender nonconforming and how this relates to gender identity and expression. It’s also beneficial to know the steps you can take to support yourself or someone you love who is gender nonconforming, such as those offered here.
Also Known As:
While some people who don’t follow gender stereotypes use the term gender nonconforming, others prefer terms such as:
- Agender
- Androgynous
- Bigender
- Gender expansive
- Differently gendered
- Gender creative
- Gender fluid
- Gender diverse
- Gender-neutral
- Gender variant
- Genderqueer
- Nonbinary
Sex vs. Gender
Before getting into gender nonconformity, it helps to be clear about what gender is. People often use the terms “sex” and “gender” interchangeably, but they’re not the same thing.
Sex is a group of biological traits linked to reproduction. It refers to a person’s reproductive organs and functions based on their chromosomal makeup, which is typically XX for those with a female sex and XY for those with a male sex.
Conversely, gender is the set of roles, expectations, and scripts (generally called “norms”) that we ascribe to different sexes. Gender is socially constructed—meaning that gender roles appear when humans live in groups—and can vary from culture to culture.
Gender Roles
Gender roles, despite existing wherever humans live together, refer to the traditional roles that people of a certain gender are expected to serve in society. These roles dictate the behaviors, attitudes, and often even the tasks people are expected to perform based on gender.
Such roles can vary from one culture to the next. However, every culture has a concept of gender and gender roles. In the United States, we have two long-standing stereotyped genders: men and women. Without thinking too hard, we can think of many sentences that stereotypically describe men and women in our culture:
- “Men are stoic.”
- “Men are strong.”
- “Men are hard workers.”
- “Men are protectors.”
- “Women are gentle.”
- “Women are passive.”
- “Women are emotional.”
- “Women are nurturing.”
Gender conformity is based on these norms. It contends that people with penises are men and they should be stoic, strong, hard workers, and protectors. By the same logic, people with vaginas are women and they should be gentle, passive, emotional, and nurturing.
In U.S. culture, gender roles help dictate who is supposed to be the primary financial provider in a household, who is expected to care for children, who is expected to manage household duties, and who is supposed to be the one who pursues others romantically. Not adhering to these gender roles and expectations can be a form of gender nonconformity.
Gender Identity and Expression
Gender identity and expression are related to how people experience and express their gender.
- Gender identity refers to a person’s internal, deeply held sense of their own gender. This may correspond to biological sex, but it may not. A person’s gender identity is separate from their sexuality, as well as their gender expression.
- Gender expression refers to how a person communicates their gender through appearance, mannerisms, and clothing. This may be a way to express sexuality or gender identity, but gender expression is not necessarily a reflection of gender identity.
It is important to recognize that anyone can be gender nonconforming. This includes people of any gender identity.
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Gender Nonconformity
Gender nonconformity is simply not conforming to gender roles. In practice, it can mean things as simple as a woman wearing a tie or something as complex and life-changing as adopting new pronouns.
There are obvious issues with using “nonconformity” as a way to describe people who don’t follow gender norms. It implies that conformity is a good and desirable thing, rather than something that harms everyone and can be stigmatizing.
Most of us have something nonconforming about the way we live and express our gender. Some women don’t wear makeup but otherwise dress feminine, for example, and some men prefer to be stay-at-home dads.
Living out every gender norm in our culture is an impossible task. However, seeing the transgression of gender norms can make some people uncomfortable. This discomfort comes from an ingrained human need to categorize people and one of the more important categories we have for classifying humans is gender.
This categorization allows a lot of other judgments to be made: if this person is dangerous, if this person is a potential mate, what this person possibly does for a living, and more. Some individuals, when they meet someone they can’t categorize easily, react with discomfort and confusion.
Societal Reactions
Gender roles and expectations for gender conformity contribute to discrimination and even violence against gender non-conforming people. There are many structures, institutions, and beliefs that try to keep people in neat, separate categories based on their gender assigned at birth.
When someone breaks out of the box, they are often met with harassment designed to force them to conform. Gender roles limit what a person can do, and they reduce a person’s life to what they “should” do. It forces people to perform what is expected of them rather than live authentically as who they feel they are.
Transgender People
An important concern when it comes to gender conformity is how it applies to transgender people. “Transgender” means identifying with a gender that is different from a person’s assigned gender at birth. Transgender women are women who were assigned male at birth, and transgender men are men who were assigned female at birth.
People who identify with the gender they were assigned at birth are called cisgender. (Cis means “this side” and trans means “that side” or “across.”) Unlike cisgender people, transgender people are often required to perform their gender to an extreme to be accepted.
Transgender women, for example, often feel forced to be ultra-feminine in ways that cisgender women don’t have to be. Despite the inherent gender nonconformity of being transgender, there is even more pressure on transgender people to perform their gender identity in very visible and obvious ways.
This pressure reinforces the actions a transgender person feels they must take to acceptably “join” whatever gender identity they align with. To do otherwise means to risk their acceptance as a man or a woman.
Cisgender Privilege
Looking at gender nonconformity and transgender performance of gender puts cisgender privilege into stark contrast. While transgender people are at risk of violence simply for being transgender, they are further ostracized and oppressed if they do not perform their gender identity visibly and perfectly. On the other hand, cisgender people are allowed much more leeway in their gender presentation.
Non-Binary People
Another topic to address when speaking about gender nonconformity is those who fall under the umbrella of non-binary. Non-binary people can be:
- Agender, or not identify with any gender
- Gender fluid, whose gender changes across time
- Bi+gender, or have more than one gender
- Other-gendered, whose gender is not part of the man/woman categories
Being gender non-binary does not mean not ever performing gender in typical ways. Many non-binary people have more feminine or masculine presentations, while others prefer a gender-neutral appearance. Appearing feminine or masculine does not, however, cancel out their identity as non-binary.
Again, we see cisgender privilege at play. A cisgender person can make more neutral appearance choices without having their gender identity dismissed but a non-binary person often faces comments such as, “If you prefer feminine clothing, why don’t you identify as a woman?”
How to Support Gender Nonconforming People
There are steps you can take to support others who are gender nonconforming or to seek support if you are gender nonconforming.
- Use correct pronouns, titles, names, and other identifiers: You can support others by using a person’s desired pronouns and other titles.
- Challenge stereotypes and judgments: Speak up if you hear someone being unsupportive or judgmental of someone who does not conform to gender norms.
- Provide acceptance and a listening ear: You can also be an ally by showing your support and listening to what others have to say about their experience of gender, identity, and expression.
- Avoid the perpetuation of gender stereotypes: Pay attention to how gender stereotypes shape expectations for how people should look and behave. Start working on letting go of these stereotypes and avoid perpetuating them in your own life.
Other strategies that can help include seeking out supportive resources, talking to a therapist, and creating a strong social support network. Having friends, mentors, and other supportive people in your life can help you focus on living authentically according to how you feel without having your gender expression and identity dictated by societal expectations.
Taking care of yourself is also vital. Research suggests that practicing mindfulness and self-compassion can help improve psychological health in people who are gender nonconforming.
Frequently Asked Questions
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What’s the difference between gender nonconformity and gender dysphoria?
Gender dysphoria involves feelings of discomfort, distress, and conflict between a person’s assigned-at-birth gender and gender identity. People who experience gender dysphoria may also be gender nonconforming, gender fluid, or transgender. However, not everyone who is gender nonconforming experiences gender dysphoria.
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What is the difference between nonbinary and gender fluid?
Nonbinary is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity is not restricted to the gender binary. It encompasses a number of gender identities, including gender fluidity. People who are gender fluid do not have a fixed gender identity or expression. Other nonbinary identities include agender, genderqueer, and gender nonconforming.
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How many trans and gender nonconforming people are there?
A 2022 survey by the Pew Research Center found that 1.6% of U.S. adults identify as either transgender or gender nonconforming, with the largest percentage being in the 18 to 29 age range at 5.1%.
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How many gender nonconforming people experience intimate partner violence?
A 2021 study of transgender/gender nonconforming adults found that 72% reported experiencing at least one form of intimate partner violence at some point during their life. Psychological violence was the most common, with physical and sexual violence also frequently reported. The study added that intimate partner violence was linked to increased rates of anxiety.
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Why do we use “they” when talking to gender nonconforming people?
They/them pronouns are often used by gender nonconforming, gender nonbinary, and genderqueer people in place of the gendered pronouns he/his and she/hers. Using the correct pronouns shows respect, acceptance, and validation of a person’s gender identity. If you aren’t sure about someone’s pronouns, share your own and ask which pronouns they use.
