I stood in my kitchen, staring at the leftover red velvet cake from my birthday party the night before. It was beautiful: layers of deep red with cream cheese frosting that I knew tasted incredible. And for the first time in years, I heard something different than the voice that had ruled my life.
For so long, there had been this other voice. Dominating. Controlling. It told me exactly what I could and couldn’t eat, when to eat, and how much to eat.
And the convincing part? It made me believe it was helping me. Protecting me. Keeping me safe.
But I wasn’t safe. I was trapped.
My eating disorder didn’t feel like a disorder at the time; it felt like the only way to maintain control in a life that felt chaotic. The voice was so persuasive, so constant, that my true self became a prisoner. There was no choice, no freedom, just rules, and the exhausting work of following them perfectly.
What I didn’t understand then was what this was doing to my nervous system.
When We Have No Choice, Our Body Believes We’re in Danger
Here’s what happens biologically when we feel like we have no choice: our nervous system registers it as a threat. Think about it: when an animal is trapped with no escape route, it goes into survival mode. Fight, flight, or freeze.
Our bodies are wired the same way.
When we operate from a place of rigid rules and “have to’s” and “must not’s,” our nervous system stays activated. We’re constantly braced for danger. There’s no room to relax, to trust ourselves, or to simply be.
We’re running on a treadmill of control that never stops.
And if you’re someone whose brain works differently, if rigid structures have always felt suffocating, this feeling of being trapped is even more intense. Some of us need flexibility. We need options. We need space to move and adjust and find what actually works for us, not what’s supposed to work according to someone else’s plan.
The Plans That Were Supposed to Save Me
I tried everything to recover. Meal plans with exact portions and timing. Structured eating schedules that left no room for intuition.
Therapist suggestions that made perfect sense on paper but felt impossible to follow in real life.
And every single time, something in me would rebel.
I’d start strong, determined that this time would be different. But within days (sometimes hours) I’d feel that familiar resistance rising. I’d break the rules, spiral into shame, then try even harder to control everything.
The cycle was exhausting.
What I didn’t know was that this rebellion wasn’t weakness. It wasn’t sabotage. It was my body’s way of protecting me from feeling even more trapped.
Each rigid rule was another wall closing in, and my nervous system was screaming for freedom.
The Moment Everything Changed
That day in my kitchen, something shifted.
I looked at that cake, that gorgeous, tempting red velvet cake, and instead of hearing “you can’t have that,” I heard myself say something new. “You’re allowed to eat the whole thing if you want. You’re allowed.”
“And if you feel sick afterward, if you feel terrible, that’s your choice. But you’re allowed.”
Because suddenly, I realized: I’m allowed to do this. But do I actually want to?
That question—that simple, revolutionary question—changed everything.
I stood there, feeling something I hadn’t felt in years. Space. Room to breathe.
The difference between permission and true choice.
No, I thought. I don’t want to eat the whole cake. I’d feel sick, tired, and uncomfortable.
That’s not what I actually want.
So I cut myself a slice. I sat down with it. I tasted it—really tasted it—with this sense of inner freedom I’d forgotten existed.
And halfway through the slice, I stopped. Not because I “should” stop. Not because the voice told me to.
But because I was done. I’d had enough.
The warmth that flooded through me in that moment. The relief, the quiet joy, was unlike anything I’d experienced in my recovery journey. This was what safety actually felt like. Not control, not rigid adherence to rules.
But the freedom to choose, and to trust myself with that choice.
Real Freedom Lives in the Space Between Permission and Choice
I realized I’d been denying myself this freedom for a long time, and not just with food.
We often think freedom means doing whatever we want, whenever we want. Or we think healing means finally having enough willpower to follow the “right” rules. But real freedom isn’t about permission or control.
Real freedom is about choice.
It’s about creating enough inner safety that you can ask yourself, “What do I actually want? What feels good for me? What choice honors both my present self and my future self?”
When we operate from choice rather than control, our nervous system can finally relax. We’re no longer trapped animals. We’re a person with agency, with wisdom, with the capacity to make decisions that feel aligned.
This principle extends far beyond eating disorders. Maybe you’re trapped by what you think your career “should” look like. Maybe you’re following relationship advice that doesn’t fit your reality.
Maybe you’re trying to force yourself into systems that leave you feeling like a failure.
The question is always the same: Are you operating from control or from choice?
Finding Your Way Back to Choice
If you’re ready to reclaim your freedom, the path begins with awareness.
Start by noticing where you feel trapped. What areas of your life are ruled by “have to,” “must,” and “should”? Where do you feel that familiar resistance or rebellion rising?
These aren’t signs of weakness; they’re clues pointing you toward where you need more freedom.
Next, give yourself permission first. Before you can make a true choice, you need to know you’re actually allowed. “I’m allowed to quit this job.” “I’m allowed to say no.” “I’m allowed to do this differently.”
Let that sink in. Feel what happens in your body when you say it.
Then comes the powerful question: What do I actually want?
Not what you’re supposed to want. Not what would make you “good” or “disciplined” or “successful.” What do you, in your deepest knowing, actually want?
This is where the real work happens. This is where you distinguish between the voice that’s been controlling you and your own inner wisdom. They sound different when you know what to listen for.
The controlling voice says, “You have to. You must. You’ll fail if you don’t.” It creates urgency and fear.
Your inner wisdom says: “I want this because…” It creates clarity and peace, even when the choice is hard.
Finally, trust the answer. Even if it surprises you. Even if it’s different from what you thought you wanted.
Your body knows. Your nervous system knows. And when you honor that knowing, you create real, lasting safety, the kind that doesn’t come from perfect control but from deeply trusting yourself.
The Freedom You’ve Been Looking For
The voice that once controlled me still shows up sometimes. But now I know the difference between its demands and my own inner wisdom. Now I know that freedom isn’t about perfect control; it’s about the radical act of choosing yourself, over and over again.
That slice of red velvet cake taught me something profound: I’d been so focused on whether I was “allowed” that I’d forgotten to ask what I actually wanted. I’d mistaken permission for freedom, rules for safety, and control for power.
But real power lives in choice.
It lives in the moment you realize you can say yes or no, not because someone gave you permission, but because you trust yourself enough to decide. It lives in honoring what your body tells you, what your heart knows, and what feels aligned with who you’re becoming.
This is the freedom that changes everything. Not the freedom to do whatever you want without consequences. But the freedom to choose consciously, to trust yourself deeply, and to know that you have the wisdom to navigate whatever comes.
You’ve always had this power. Sometimes we just need to remember it’s there.
About Ximena Niembro
Ximena Niembro is a trauma-informed coach and founder of The PowerFULL Path, specializing in helping ADHD and highly sensitive women heal their nervous systems and reclaim their power. With certifications in IFS, Somatic Healing, NLP, and CBT, she guides clients from survival mode to thriving through nervous system regulation and embodiment work. Drawing from her own healing journey, Ximena’s work bridges psychology, spirituality, and lived experience. Connect at thepowerfullpath.com.
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