We’ve all been there: It’s 6 a.m. and the very last thing you want to do is get out of bed for that way-too-early HIIT class you already paid for. Or, if you’re a remote worker like me, you know you really should go on that jog you planned your entire day around…but also, what if you just didn’t? So. Tempting.
It’s embarrassingly easy to put off that thing you know you should do—but why? As Janelle S. Peifer, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist and assistant professor at the University of Richmond told me, we humans like short-cuts and habits that minimize the cognitive, physical, and emotional load we’re exposed to in our daily lives. In other words, we’re kinda lazy. Plus, certain activities can bring up uncertainty, stress, and even feel like threats to our self-esteem, she tells SELF.
I get it. The urge to bail can be intense—even if you know, deep-down, that said activity is good for you and may very well better your life. As Dr. Peifer told me, your brain likes to play games with you—but there are some powerful tricks you can use to outsmart that instinct to flake so you don’t wind up regretting ditching your plans. Here are a few to try.
Validate your feelings.
Step one: Acknowledge that the task you’re avoiding is challenging. Oftentimes, we tell ourselves we’re weak or flawed by not following through with something that’s relatively simple. “You might think, ‘Why can’t I do this, I said I was going to do it,’” says Dr. Peifer.
But negative emotions like punishment and guilt cause you to procrastinate and further reduce the chance you’ll follow through. For example, if every time you don’t go to the gym you beat yourself up about it, you’ll stop even trying to motivate yourself to do it. On the flip side, when you feel positive and capable about your to-dos, you’ll naturally feel less resistance and therefore be less likely to drag your feet.
So, normalize the struggle—recognize that the task, whether it be getting off your couch to meet up with friends or scheduling those doctor appointments you’re past due for, is going to take some work and effort. When you take this approach, you’ll feel less like a failure, which will reduce the chances you’ll give up, says Dr. Peifer.
Break down your task into tiny, achievable parts.
People often set intense, lofty goals that are inherently tough to achieve, says Dr. Peifer. Maybe you signed up for a gym membership and enrolled in fitness classes every single night of the week. Or, perhaps, you bought enough ingredients at the grocery store to meal prep five dinners in a row.
