How to Cope With Energy Vampires

Key Takeaways

• Energy vampires are people who leave you feeling emotionally drained after interacting with them.
• They come in different forms, including constant complainers, manipulators, and negative thinkers.
• Setting boundaries and limiting contact are key ways to protect your emotional energy.

Energy vampires are people who sap your emotional energy, either intentionally or unconsciously. They could be friends, family members, partners, colleagues, or neighbors who feed on your care and attention, leaving you feeling stressed, drained, exhausted, and overwhelmed.

To cope with energy vampires, it’s important to set boundaries, limit how much time you spend with them, and remain calm when they try to provoke a reaction. Learning to firmly say “no” and maintain distance can help limit the energy drain.

Verywell / Dennis Madamba

Ways to Protect Yourself From Energy Vampires

Relationships with energy vampires are often toxic. They can cause you to feel physically and emotionally drained, particularly if you’re an empath and highly attuned to the emotions of the people around you.

That’s why it’s important to find ways to cope with energy vampires.

• Adjust your expectations: If the energy vampire is someone close to you, you may feel upset and disappointed when they fail to reciprocate the support you’ve shown them. It can help to adjust your expectations and understand that they’re never going to show up for you. Seeing them for who they are can help you take the steps required to protect yourself against them.
• Limit your exposure to them: You can set boundaries in your relationship with the person to limit your exposure to them as much as possible. For instance, if they’re a colleague, you may have no choice but to work with them, but you can avoid eating lunch or getting coffee with them.
• Protect your emotional energy: Energy vampires feed off your emotional energy. If you do happen to interact with them, try to avoid giving them the reaction they want to their dramatic statements and complaints. Keep a neutral expression and simply shrug them off as though they’re not a big deal. If they don’t get the reaction they’re looking for, they will eventually lose interest and leave you alone.
• Avoid arguing with them: You might be tempted to argue with the person’s twisted logic, negative outlook, and exaggerated claims. However, doing so will only make you the villain in their next story. Instead, stay neutral and walk away from them. No reaction is a bigger blow to them than a negative reaction.
• Learn to say no: If the person is asking you for something, avoid getting sucked into their vortex and learn to say no. For instance, if they’re asking you to help them with a project, you can say: “I’m sorry, I can’t,” or “No, I’m busy.” 
• Cut them out of your life: If possible, avoid interacting with the person altogether. If they’re a colleague or family member you can’t avoid, limit your interaction with them and distance yourself from them as much as possible.

How to Spot an Energy Vampire

1. They Always Want to Be the Center of Attention

Energy vampires are extremely self-centered and always want to be the center of attention. They dominate the conversation and ensure the focus is always on themselves. If someone else brings up a different topic, they find a way to one-up them and bring the attention back to themselves.

For instance, they might say:

• “That sounds like a nice trip. It reminds me of the time I went to Hawaii. Nothing can compare to how beautiful it was. Let me show you all the pictures.”
• “I can’t believe you almost got mugged. Did I tell you about the time someone tried to shoot me in the subway?”

2. They Exaggerate Everything

Energy vampires tend to exaggerate every little thing that happens to them, making mountains out of molehills. They make everything sound much bigger, better, or worse than it actually is.

For instance, they might say:

• “Everybody else caught tiny fish, but mine was as big as a house.”
• “My body temperature was 99°F last night; it was so bad I thought I was going to die.”

3. They Blame Others for Everything

Energy vampires are very good at playing the blame game. They’re always manipulating situations so that they’re never at fault. They’re quick to assign blame to everyone but themselves. The problem may be the weather, the train, the traffic, their loved ones, their colleagues, or even you, but never them.

For instance, they might say:

• “I would have submitted this report on time, but the accounts team didn’t send me the numbers till yesterday.”
• “I would have invited you to my party, but you’re always so busy that I didn’t think you’d be able to come.”

4. They Leave You Feeling Worn Out

Interacting with an energy vampire often elicits an unpleasant emotional reaction that leaves you feeling exhausted and worn out. You may experience negative emotions such as:

• Distress
• Worry
• Anger
• Guilt
• Shame
• Sadness 
• Disappointment
• Confusion

Negative emotions like these can contribute to mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, and stress.

5. They Use People Without Giving Anything in Return

Energy vampires want all your attention, care, and emotional support but are never willing to give you anything in return. Even if you ask for their help with something, they will make an excuse and bring the attention back to themselves. They use you for their emotional needs without giving you anything in return.

For instance, they might say:

• “I’m sorry you lost your job. I would love to help you with your resume, but I’m so swamped with cleaning my home, and my kids have made such a mess. Can you help me with the vacuuming?”
• “I can’t believe you’re asking me for help with your resume when you know how upset I am about losing the bowling game. Can you bring me some tissues and ice cream?”

Why Some People Are Energy Vampires

Some people are exceptionally self-centered and have a negative attitude toward everything. They use other people for attention, care, and emotional support. Being around them can be emotionally draining.

Common Types of Energy Vampires

• The victim: Some people enjoy playing the victim card and are always ready with a new sob story about a perceived slight. They are innocent, but the whole world is always against them. They tend to complain often and loudly about their problems.
• The criticizer: Some people spend a lot of time and energy criticizing others, things, and situations. Nothing is ever good enough for them, and they can find fault with just about anything.
• The dramatizer: Some people create and attract a lot of drama. They always seem to be in the midst of a major catastrophe and often need your help and support.
• The manipulator: Some people can manipulate just about any situation to their advantage. They rarely say what they mean and usually have a hidden agenda.
• The negative thinker: Some people always see the glass as half empty and have a very negative attitude toward life. They can always be counted on to point out the downside or potential risks, without leaving any room for hope or excitement.
• The blamer: Some people are quick to blame others. They’re never at fault but always willing to heap shame and guilt on others.

Questions to Ask Yourself

If you’re trying to identify whether someone is an energy vampire, pay attention to the subtle cues in your responses to them. 

• Do you feel light and happy after interacting with them, or drained and exhausted?
• Do you find yourself walking on eggshells around them?
• Do you unconsciously try to avoid their calls? Do you dread bumping into them?
• Does it feel like every conversation with them is either super dramatic or very negative?

These signs are subconscious signals that the person is draining your energy.

When It’s Time to Reevaluate the Relationship

Not every relationship is meant to last forever. If a relationship is leaving you feeling constantly anxious, drained, or emotionally exhausted, it might be time to reevaluate whether it’s worth continuing.

Signs it’s time to end the relationship include:

• You always feel drained, anxious, or exhausted after interacting with them
• They constantly ignore your boundaries
• The relationship feels one-sided
• There haven’t been any changes even after having an honest conversation
• You feel pressured to meet their needs at the expense of your own
• The relationship is affecting your mental health, work, or other relationships
• You no longer feel safe around the other person

If you’ve set boundaries but things still haven’t changed, it may be time to take a closer look at whether it’s healthy for you to continue the relationship.

• Be honest with yourself: Start by assessing how the relationship is affecting you. Does the relationship still align with your needs, values, and priorities? It’s OK if things have changed over time.
• Create distance: Stepping back from the relationship can sometimes be the healthiest choice. You can start by making choices to intentionally create distance, so you spend less time around them.
• Prioritize your needs: The most important thing is to ensure that your needs, safety, and well-being are taken care of. This can sometimes be hard if you tend to be a people pleaser, so start taking gradual steps to assert your needs and put yourself first.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

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By Sanjana Gupta

Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.

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