Key Takeaways
- Reverse psychology involves encouraging someone to do something by suggesting they do the opposite.
- People might do the opposite of what is suggested because they want to feel in control.
- Parents, salespeople, and partners often use reverse psychology to get desired behaviors.
Have you ever had someone tell you not to do something, only to feel an almost irresistible urge to do it anyway? That’s what’s known as reverse psychology, a persuasion tactic that involves advocating for a behavior that is different than the desired outcome. In other words, you say the opposite of what you want. Also known as strategic self-anticonformity, the goal of reverse psychology is to encourage the other person to do what is actually desired.
Examples include a parent insisting their child definitely wouldn’t like a particular food (which makes the child want to try it) or a friend banning you from watching their favorite TV show (which makes you want to learn what all the hype is about even more).
While it can be seen as a way of managing another person’s behavior, reverse psychology can also be used as a form of manipulation. The person who is the subject of this tactic generally doesn’t realize what is happening and may not be fully aware of the other person’s true motives.
Even if you didn’t know it at the time, there’s a chance that you’ve used reverse psychology to try to get someone to do something at some point in your life. While it may not always be easy to recognize, understanding reverse psychology and how it works may help you identify it in your own life—and know when it may be best applied.
Examples of Reverse Psychology
Reverse psychology isn’t always obvious, but several common examples can demonstrate how reverse psychology is used in real life.
- Marketing and sales strategies often utilize reverse psychology to encourage people to buy goods and services. For example, a salesperson might make a very high sales pitch and pressure the customer to buy something. However, the salesperson is trying to get the customer to respond by offering to take a much less costly deal.
- Parents often use reverse psychology to get their kids to do what they want. For example, a parent might tell their child not to pick up their toys in their room, hoping that the child will actually do the opposite.
- In love relationships, people also use reverse psychology to get their partner to behave in particular ways. For example, one partner might suggest that they wish their partner would clean up the garage but that they know they probably won’t have time to do it. The partner might then react by cleaning the garage to prove their partner wrong.
Research suggests that reverse psychology is a tactic commonly used in the real world—and it can often be quite effective.
Signs of Reverse Psychology
Reverse psychology works based on a psychological phenomenon known as reactance. Reactance involves having a strong negative reaction to someone attempting to persuade you.
As a result of this negative reaction, you do the opposite of the thing they are trying to persuade you to do.
Sometimes, when we encounter persuasive messages, we respond by resisting or reacting against them, particularly if we see them as threatening our control or autonomy. Essentially, we try to retain our sense of control by doing the opposite of what the persuasive message is suggesting.
When someone seems to be trying to persuade us to not eat something (“Oh, you don’t want that, it’s so gross!”), we resist by eating it anyways. By choosing the opposite of what has been suggested, people may be making an effort to assert their independence and autonomy.
While reverse psychology can sometimes be subtle, there are some signs that you can look for to help you detect this type of persuasion. Signs that someone might be using reverse psychology on you include:
- Making overly negative comments that seem to be designed to garner a reaction.
- Sensing that they want you to do something, even if they won’t make a direct request.
- Harping on the same idea to the point that you want to do the exact opposite.
- The other person has more to gain if you do the opposite of what they are suggesting.
- The choice that the other person is arguing in favor of isn’t consistent with their past choices.
One sign that someone might be using reverse psychology is that they suddenly begin advocating against a behavior that they would normally prefer.
For example, if you are trying to decide what movie to watch, it would be unusual if your friend who normally loves romantic-comedies suddenly started arguing to watch the latest horror flick. In this case, the friend is suggesting the movie they don’t want to watch hoping you’ll actually pick the one they do want to see.
How to Practice Reverse Psychology
If you want to use reverse psychology to try to influence another person, there are a few different tactics you might try. For example:
- Discourage the desired behavior. (“You shouldn’t do that.”)
- Forbid the desired behavior. (“Don’t do that.”)
- Suggest that the person couldn’t do the desired behavior. (“I bet you couldn’t do that anyways.”)
- Downtalk the desired behavior. (“I would never pick that.”)
- Compare the desired behavior unfavorably to something else. (“You should do this because it’s so much better than that.”)
It’s important to know when this strategy might be the most effective, however. Reverse psychology tends to work best on people who typically resist conformity. For more compliant people, making a direct request is usually much more effective.
Impacts of Reverse Psychology
Reverse psychology has some advantages, but it also has a number of downsides.
Advantages
On the positive side, reverse psychology can often be a way to get people to engage in behaviors that are in their best interest. Telling a child not to eat their vegetables, for example, can be a way to encourage them to consume healthy foods in a way that makes them feel like they are the ones making that choice.
When dealing with a person who tends to rebel against norms, forbidding them to engage in the desired behavior can be a way to encourage more socially acceptable behavior.
Disadvantages
On the other hand, reverse psychology is a persuasion tactic that can often leave people feeling manipulated. If a person feels like you are always using this technique to get them to do what you want, they may reach a point where they feel that they cannot trust you.
Reverse psychology can also be a poor choice when you are dealing with someone who has low self-esteem. Because these individuals often don’t trust their own judgment, they are more likely to give your opinions greater weight. If you are advocating for the opposite of what you really want, you may find that this strategy is likely to backfire.
Tips for Using Reverse Psychology
There are times when reverse psychology can be helpful. When a person is naturally resistant (think a young child, rebellious teen, or older adult), using reverse psychology judiciously can help encourage healthy choices.
If you are considering reverse psychology, there are some things to consider.
- Only use this tactic sparingly.
- Don’t use reverse psychology to manipulate people.
- Know when to use it best, usually with someone who tends to be argumentative or contrarian.
- Remind the other person that they have a choice.
- Don’t argue too hard for the thing you don’t actually want.
- Be willing to suffer the consequences if the other person makes what you think is the wrong choice.
- Consider other, more honest options that can lead to better communication.
In many cases, you might be better off encouraging people to consider their choices and make a decision that ultimately respects their autonomy and helps them reach their goals.
If Someone Uses Reverse Psychology On You
If you think that someone is trying to use reverse psychology on you, there are a few things you can do.
First, you can ask them to explain their reasoning for suggesting the choice they are arguing for. Once you realize what they want you to choose, consider your options. You might decide to pick the option they clearly don’t want you to pick—or suggest a different solution altogether.
Finally, don’t be afraid to call someone out if you think they are trying to use reverse psychology on you. Once that person realizes that you understand what’s happening, they’ll be less likely to try the same tactic again in the future.
Potential Pitfalls of Reverse Psychology
While you may have used reverse psychology in the past, its important to recognize that it can have some risks. If you’ve ever had someone use this tactic on you, then you can probably understand how it might leave someone feeling deceived, manipulated, and disrespected. Before you use reverse psychology, consider some of the following dangers.
Damage to Your Relationships
If other people feel like you are intentionally trying to manipulate them, it can destroy the trust they have in you. If it becomes a persistent problem, they may always question your motives and not trust your advice.
Because they cannot trust what you are saying, the other person will feel that they can never know what you truly want. This can seriously undermine your relationship, which can be toxic.
The Potential to Backfire
Another pitfall of reverse psychology is if the person you are trying to convince values your opinions or tends to be an agreeable person who’d rather go with the flow than rock the boat, you may find yourself getting the opposite of what you truly want.
Rather than reacting by choosing the opposite of what you are suggesting, they’ll simply agree. At that point, you have to go along with the thing you didn’t want.
If your attempt to use reverse psychology backfires, you’ll either have to admit that you were trying to manipulate them or find some way to explain your sudden change of mind.
