Feeling a little self-conscious in social situations is normal, and we all experience it once in a while. We overthink what we’ve said, second-guess what we will wear, and worry about what others might think about us. Sometimes, feeling self-conscious can lead to feelings of anxiety and discomfort—it can even hold us back from doing what we want or enjoying the moment.
While people with certain conditions, such as social anxiety disorder (SAD), are often more likely to feel self-conscious, it is something that many people experience, at least occasionally. It tends to be particularly common when you are the focus of attention or are being evaluated by others.
There’s good news, though! You don’t have to feel stuck in an anxiety spiral worrying about how you look or what others think. Instead, there are some strategies can help you become more outward-focused and less self-conscious.
Keep reading to learn more about what it means to be self-conscious, situations that can trigger this feeling, and how to cope.
What Does It Mean to Be Self-Conscious?
Self-consciousness means being overly focused on your appearance or actions, especially how you believe others perceive you. This heightened self-awareness can lead to distress, discomfort, and anxiety.
Being self-conscious can worsen anxiety symptoms and make it hard to notice your surroundings. You might feel like others are judging you negatively, but they’re likely not paying much attention.
Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as the “spotlight” effect. Although it feels like all eyes are on you, people probably only notice about 50% of what you think they are. So, you are over-imagining everything by about half.
Signs of Being Self-Conscious
Feeling self-conscious can lead to various behaviors and emotions. Signs you might be experiencing this include:
- Constantly apologizing for mistakes
- Thinking everyone is watching you
- Feeling embarrassed, guilty, or ashamed
- Feeling responsible for everything
- Having low self-esteem
- Struggling to handle criticism
However, self-consciousness isn’t always negative. Healthy self-consciousness can lead to feelings of pride and accomplishment.
The primary self-conscious emotions include pride, empathy, shame, guilt, and embarrassment.
What Causes People to Feel Self-Conscious?
Emotions related to self-consciousness start to emerge in early childhood. As children develop self-awareness, they become more mindful of social expectations and how others perceive them.
Many factors can contribute to feeling self-conscious, such as:
While most people experience some degree of self-consciousness from time to time, unhealthy levels can lead to significant problems in a person’s life.
Ways to Feel Less Self-Conscious
So, what can you do to help minimize feeling like you’re always under the spotlight? There are steps you can take to deal with self-conscious emotions and reduce your focus on the self. It may take some time, but these techniques *can* reduce your self-consciousness.
Identify Triggers
Consider some of the situations or factors that might contribute to feelings of self-consciousness:
- Perhaps there are some roadblocks holding you back from making the change.
- Maybe you think that it is too scary to focus on the outside world.
- Maybe it is mentally exhausting for you to keep up with conversations.
As an alternative, consider what benefits you could derive from being more confident. Being self-conscious only makes your anxiety worse, and focusing on the opinions of others can limit your quality of life.
It is easier to be yourself and be spontaneous if you are not focused on editing yourself. You need to learn to lose yourself to become who you really are.
Understand the emotions or situations that make you feel self-conscious is the first step to feeling more assured and self-confident.
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Consider the Drawbacks of Being Self-Conscious
One of the most significant issues with self-consciousness is trouble accurately reading situations. You may remember fewer details about situations where you did well and instead focus on your slight mistakes or faux pas.
Self-consciousness might also cause you to look at others and think, “Wow, they are really good conversationalists,” when that might be an exaggeration. The result? You over-scrutinize everything around you. Because you’re analyzing everything, you can’t relax and enjoy the moment.
Feeling self-conscious makes it difficult to see social situations clearly. Being aware of these drawbacks can help you better spot problems with your interpretations.
Develop an Outward Focus
Self-consciousness stems from being too inwardly focused, so shifting to a more outward perspective can help lessen these feelings. It won’t be easy at first to develop an outward focus, particularly if you have used self-attention as a safety strategy for a long time.
To make the switch, try to become curious about other people as an objective outside observer. The goal is not to imitate behavior, but simply to become more aware of what exchanges really go on.
Watch what others do. Listen to what they say and think openly about the situation. Be objective as you observe the situation from an outside perspective.
Instead of focusing on your own feelings, shift your attention to focus on others. If you have trouble, assign yourself a task of learning something about the person.
Reframe Your Negative Thoughts
Negative self-talk can cause you to feel more self-conscious. If your inner monologue is constantly berating yourself, you are less likely to feel confident and more likely to think that others are also viewing you negatively.
Reframing how you think about yourself can help reduce these feelings of self-consciousness. When you think negative thoughts, make a conscious effort to change these thoughts to be more positive and realistic.
Instead of thinking, “I’m going to mess up,” reframe your thought to something more positive like “I’m going to do well because I am prepared.”
Practice Switching Perspectives
One way to develop control over your focus is to learn how to switch between an inward and outward focus and notice the differences between the two.
The next time you are in an observational situation (such as riding on a bus), try focusing on yourself first. Do this for about five minutes and notice how you feel. Then, switch and try noticing everyone else and how they appear. If it seems appropriate, try talking to them.
Afterward, notice how you felt and what you took in. This experiment aims to become more aware of where your attention is directed, how to control it, and how it makes you feel. As you gain practice, try switching perspectives while in conversation with someone and notice the differences.
Remember Others Don’t See What You See
It is important to remember that other people don’t have the same perspective or experience things in the same way you do. People are not thinking about you or your actions in the same way as you do.
If you start to get down on yourself or feel as though directing your focus outward is too dangerous, remember that in the broader picture, making a mistake or coming off as awkward is not the end of the world.
While it might feel like others notice what you are doing, the reality is that they are much more focused on themselves. Reminding yourself of this simple fact can help you feel less self-conscious in social situations.
Change Your Perspective
When you are self-conscious, you likely become tense and say very little. As you focus attention outward, try some behaviors that encourage you to break free from the negative cycle of self-attention.
It is hard to think negative thoughts about yourself when you are positive, happy, and talking.
When in doubt, asking people questions about themselves, such as about their passions or pets, is a great way to break the ice and make people feel valued. You’ll be remembered as charming and flattering, not socially awkward.
Practice Self-Acceptance
You’re more likely to feel self-conscious if you listen to your inner critic. Instead of focusing on what you think are flaws or mistakes, try to practice accepting yourself for who you are.
Some strategies that can help you embrace who you are:
- Appreciate the things that make you unique
- Focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses
- Celebrate your successes
- Treat yourself with kindness
- Let go of things you cannot change
When to Seek Help
These suggestions can help you become less self-conscious, but if you are experiencing excessive anxiety that keeps you from enjoying activities or meeting friends, it may be time to talk to a therapist. Social anxiety is a treatable disorder, and a comprehensive treatment plan can help you enjoy a higher quality of life.
Bottom Line
Excessive self-consciousness can lead to feelings of social anxiety. If you are always worried about how you are being evaluated by others in social situations, you are more likely to experience anxiety when you are around other people. Taking steps to gain control of your feelings of self-conscious may help ease some of your feelings of social anxiety.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
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