Key Takeaways
- Abrosexuality means your attraction to different genders can change over time.
- Asking yourself questions about your feelings can help you understand if you’re abrosexual.
- Abrosexuality is different from pansexuality because it involves shifting attractions.
The term abrosexual refers to a kind of sexual fluidity in terms of not only who you’re attracted to but also how much you’re attracted to them. For example, you may be attracted to only women one day, then a few days later be attracted to men and women but not have much interest in sex, then experience no attraction whatsoever several months later before being attracted to men.
Abrosexuality is a lesser-known sexual identity and therefore there is less understanding of it. “Essentially, [abrosexuals can] experience shifting attractions towards different genders at various times,” says Ryan Sultán, MD is a board-certified mental health physician, director of Integrative Psych and research professor at Columbia University.
Abrosexual people may change who they’re attracted to weekly, yearly, or every few years, but generally, they find their sexual attraction shifts often.
How Do I Know If I’m Abrosexual?
Recognizing that you’re abrosexual can be particularly difficult. According to Adam Baldowski, PhD, MA, LMHC, “Something that abrosexuals experience is questioning the authenticity of their identity because it’s not as well-known.”
Let’s Break Down the Term ‘Abrosexual’
The Greek term “Abro-“ means “graceful” or “delicate,” so it doesn’t directly translate to a specific sexuality. Instead it may indicate how an abrosexual moves from desire for one kind of person to another.
You Find That Your Sexuality Seems to Shift Often
Introspection can be a helpful tool in understanding if you’re abrosexual. Baldowski explains that there are some questions you can ask yourself.
Questions to Ask Yourself
- How do I approach dating, sex, and intimacy?
- Have I ever had sexual or romantic feelings that fluctuated to different sexualities?
- Have I ever dated or been sexually attracted to someone, then experienced the romantic or sexual attraction shift to a different gender?
- Does my approach to dating feel confusing, like it doesn’t fit into existing models?
- Do I feel a firm or more fluid connection to any sexual orientation?
- Am I interested in sex in some periods of my life and not in other periods?
If the answers to these questions show that your approach to dating and the gender of those you are attracted to fluctuates, that you don’t feel overly attached to one sexual orientation, and that your desire for sex isn’t consistent, you might be abrosexual.
Ryan Sultán, MD
Essentially, [abrosexuals can] experience shifting attractions towards different genders at various times.
— Ryan Sultán, MD
You Feel Like You’re Always Coming Out
Furthermore “it might feel like you’re coming out all the time,” says Baldowski, “because your sexuality is shifting.”
It may feel like you’re consistently coming out to loved ones and acquaintances.
You might have to explain to your friends and loved ones whenever you step into a new kind of relationship because that relationship is different from the one you were in before. As a result, it may feel like you’re consistently coming out to loved ones and acquaintances.
Is Abrosexuality the Same as Pansexuality?
While abrosexuality and pansexuality have some overlaps, the big difference is abrosexuals’ fluidity. Pansexuality is defined as romantic, emotional, or sexual attraction to people regardless of gender, and abrosexuals may experience that too. But while pansexuals are consistent in their attraction. to different people despite their gender, abrosexuals find their that attraction and desire for different genders fluctuates and shifts.
“An abrosexual individual may experience periods where they identify as pansexual…,” notes Sultán, “but the characteristic fluctuation in their attractions sets abrosexuality apart.”
So abrosexual people can be attracted to all genders for a time and then feel they are only attracted to one gender, unlike pansexuals whose attraction to people is not based on gender. While a pansexual person may be attracted to people regardless of gender, it does not mean they are attracted to all people of all genders, just as a heterosexual male is not necessarily attracted to all women.
Furthermore, abrosexual people may not share pansexuals’ love of all genders at any time but instead prefer a subset of them.
How Being Abrosexual Affects Relationships
Relationships are hard under the best of circumstances so navigating relationships when your sexual orientation is frequently changing adds additional complications, but that doesn’t mean an abrosexual can’t have a healthy dating life. It takes a willingness to be open and honest about your preferences, especially as they shift.
You May Find Yourself Explaining Your Fluidity to Others
“Unique challenges can arise, such as explaining the concept of fluid sexuality to a partner or managing shifts in attraction within an ongoing relationship,” Sultán says. “However, it’s important to note that successful relationships are based on understanding, communication, and mutual respect, all of which can help navigate the complexities of a fluid sexual orientation.”
Sometimes seeking out couples counseling is the best option. If you or your partner aren’t sure how to have conversations about sexual orientation, especially when it shifts, this can be the best option.
Are There Any Challenges That Come With Identifying As Abrosexual?
It’s important to note that those who identify as abrosexual aren’t questioning their orientation. Here’s a look at some of the challenges that abrosexual people may face.
People May Question Your Sexual Identity
Abrosexuality is a legitimate sexual orientation, but people may still question it. Individuals may claim the person identifying as abrosexual hasn’t settled on a “real” identity yet or is just being greedy with their fluctuations in interest.
“Abrosexual individuals can face challenges similar to those encountered by others with less understood or acknowledged sexual orientations,” notes Sultán. “These can include misunderstanding, disbelief, or difficulty in explaining their orientation to others.”
Other Sexual Minorities May Stigmatize Your Identity
Even other sexual minorities may stigmatize or misconstrue their orientation. “With abrosexuality,” Baldowski says, “finding a network of people, especially in person, these days can be very difficult.”
You May Struggle With Internal Challenges
In addition, abrosexuals “may also encounter internal challenges as they navigate their changing attractions,” explains Sultán. If abrosexuals feel their changing attractions don’t make sense or are problematic, they may deny them or try to suppress them.
Being able to talk to someone who knows about abrosexuality, and even discovering the term abrosexuality, can help immensely.
How to Support Someone Who Is Abrosexual
If you know someone who is abrosexual, you can support them by having an open mind. “Recognize that their experiences and feelings are valid, even if they diverge from conventional understandings of sexual orientation,” says Sultán. “Being willing to listen and learn can be very supportive, as well as affirming their feelings and experiences.”
Make sure you don’t imply they’re confused or ask doubtful questions, and don’t ask invasive questions about their experiences. Instead, give them space to talk about their relationships and crushes without questioning their sexuality, and don’t out them to other people without their permission.
Most of all, “don’t expect [the abrosexual individual] to educate you on their identity,” notes Baldowski. They can inform you about what they’re comfortable with, but if you have further questions, consult other resources, like this article, to get the information you want.
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