Key Takeaways
- Inner child work is a therapeutic process that helps people connect with and heal younger parts of themselves that have been shaped by earlier experiences.
- Unresolved inner child wounds may show up as triggers and patterns that affect your current well-being, happiness, and relationships.
- Healing with inner child work can involve types of therapy like internal family systems therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and parenting yourself.
Inner child work is the process of connecting with and healing the younger part of your psyche that still influences how you think, feel, and react as an adult. Often used in psychotherapy and spiritual settings, inner child work helps people uncover and process unresolved childhood hardships, trauma, and even triumphs that continue to shape their present lives.
When we ignore our inner child and the ways our past shapes our present, we do ourselves a major disservice. We can overlook formative experiences that can help us understand our triggers and heal some of our maladaptive coping mechanisms.
Why Inner Child Work Matters
The concept of the inner child was first introduced by the psychologist Carl Jung. It represents a part of ourselves that can influence our emotions, often without our awareness.
Think of your inner child as the person you were at a significant time in your life—someone meaningful who you might have lost touch with. This relationship is unique and different from those with others you’ve drifted away from.
If you’re unaware of your inner child, you may unknowingly lose touch with part of yourself. This can make it difficult to manage emotions and may lead to childlike behaviors when you’re upset.
For example:
- You could find yourself having an angry outburst akin to a temper tantrum.
- You might feel shameful and lonely, just as you did as a child.
- You may notice that when stressed, you switch moods swiftly, similar to how a child may navigate an unsettling situation.
Our inner child can be behind many of our emotions, and it can bring about great healing when properly nurtured.
What Is an Inner Child Wound?
An inner child wound is related to adverse childhood experience—harmful events that occurred during childhood.
These experiences can lead to unresolved trauma that affects adults later in life. If you notice yourself acting unlike your usual self or having emotions you can’t control, it might be your wounded inner child influencing your behavior.
What Triggers Your Inner Child?
When your inner child is triggered, you may notice behaviors that don’t align with your true character.
Inner child triggers are similar to other triggers we encounter, often stemming from minor disruptions in a typical day.
For instance, being late to work might unreasonably provoke fears of being shamed, reprimanded, or fired, despite a track record of punctuality and good performance. This reaction could stem from a childhood in an unstable home environment where minor mistakes led to shame, yelling, or even physical abuse.
However, the inner child isn’t just a source of negative feelings. It can also be free-spirited, excited, and joyful. Recall a time you felt genuinely happy or excited, perhaps while doing something you loved or receiving great news. This reflects a positive inner child trigger. Even if you haven’t experienced this yet, you can connect with your inner child to tap into these emotions.
How to Connect With Your Inner Child
Inner child work can be emotionally arduous—especially if you have a trauma history. With that in mind, you’ll want to refrain from revisiting any traumatic events from your childhood by yourself. Having a psychotherapist by your side as you dive into painful memories can help avoid retraumatization and ensure your hard work is fruitful.
Consider ways you can tap into the joy of being a child. Was there an activity you loved as a kid? Consider taking it up. Were amusement parks your thing? Plan a trip and lean into the silliness of it all.
What Healing Your Inner Child Looks Like
If you notice that your inner child feels triggered often, it may be time to consider some healing work. First, psychotherapy is a fantastic option. Some forms of talk therapy incorporate inner child work.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a form of therapy that focuses on the different parts of a human being. Each part has a role that it strives to play, even if it results in lackluster coping mechanisms.
Does this sound familiar? It should; everyone has a younger part working to protect the individual. However, in the same way a five-year-old isn’t going to be the most skilled in navigating safety concerns and troubleshooting major conflicts, the younger part of a person isn’t the best candidate to make decisions. Thus, IFS focuses on bringing all parts of a person’s psyche into harmony.
Psychodynamic Therapy
Another modality of therapy that may be particularly helpful in healing your inner child is psychodynamic therapy. This form of therapy postulates our past shapes our present and focuses on helping you heal from past trauma.
Psychodynamic therapy uses the relationship between the client and the therapist as a powerful vehicle for change.
Let’s say you find your inner child triggered by your therapist. A skilled and compassionate psychodynamic therapist will work with you to sort through what the therapeutic relationship might represent for you, drawing upon family dynamics and relational wounds. These parallels will be used as fodder for understanding your psyche further and deepening your healing journey.
Why Reparenting Yourself Can Help
A clinician can help you learn how to reparent your inner child. However, there are steps you can take on your own. The goal of reparenting is to care for, give, and allow yourself to receive the validation, love, and nurturing that you may not have received in the way that you needed it as a child. Here are some ways to get started:
- Begin a dialogue with your inner child (you can choose any age – 5, 8, 10, 12, etc.), ask them how they are doing and if there is anything they would like to share with you, and engage in a mindful and intentional dialogue with them. Listen to what they may have to say to you in response.
- Write a letter to your inner child and allow them the opportunity to respond by writing back to you.
- Say nurturing things to your inner child (I love you, I appreciate you, I value you, I’m proud of you, I hear you, thank you, I’m sorry).
- Look at photos of yourself as a child and tell them everything they needed to hear then; allow them (and you) to receive it now.
- Think and write about what you loved doing when you were young, and make and protect time to do those things now.
- Engage in meditation and creative visualization with your inner child.
You can validate the pain that has come from not having your needs met as a kid. Assure your younger self that while you may have been in situations that weren’t safe then, you’re a competent adult who will keep that child part safe at all costs. Nurture that younger self. If you notice you’re triggered and getting flooded with negative emotions, grant yourself patience.
Where to Get Help
If therapy feels like a cost-prohibitive venture, don’t let that stop you from getting the healing you deserve. Open Path Collective is a directory with a wide variety of clinicians who have diverse identities and sessions range from $40 to $80.
If you’re someone with a marginalized identity seeking support, check out Inclusive Therapists to find a provider who can truly understand you. Finding peace is possible and you don’t have to go it alone.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
-
Smith J. Working with the inner child. In: Psychotherapy. Springer International Publishing; 2017:141-151. doi:10.1007/978-3-319-49460-9_12
-
Sjöblom M, Öhrling K, Prellwitz M, Kostenius C. Health throughout the lifespan: The phenomenon of the inner child reflected in events during childhood experienced by older persons. Int J Qual Stud Health Well-being. 2016;11(1):31486. doi:10.3402/qhw.v11.31486
-
Hestbech AM. Reclaiming the inner child in cognitive-behavioral therapy: The complementary model of the personality. APT. 2018;71(1):21-27. doi:10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.20180008
-
Cai J, Li J, Liu D, et al. Long-term effects of childhood trauma subtypes on adult brain function. Brain Behav. 2023;13(5):e2981. doi:10.1002/brb3.2981
Thanks for your feedback!
What is your feedback?
Helpful
Report an Error
Other
