If you’ve watched an episode of “Saved by the Bell,“ “Cheers,“ or “Seinfeld,“ you’re probably well aware that a diner, restaurant, or bar can feel like a second home for patrons. As guests become regulars, they might even become a second familyof sorts, to the staff. However, not every diner is delightful enough to cultivate that close connection with the chefs, servers, and hosts. Even though most folks are pleasant to host, restaurant pros admit that a select few can feel more like foe than family, and it might be due to something they hadn’t even realized is a faux pas.
“As someone who has spent more than 40 years in the hospitality industry, I’ve seen it all,” admits Douglas O’Flaherty, interim president and chief operating officer of the South Carolina Restaurant and Lodging Association. “The vast majority of our guests are wonderful, but sometimes, simple things can create unnecessary friction from time to time.”
Read on for the most common missteps people make at restaurants—and how to behave instead. Pretty soon, you’ll be greeted with a warm smile at the place where everybody knows your name.
Our Panel of Restaurant Pros
The One Thing Restaurant Staff Wish You Would Stop Doing When Dining Out
When we surveyed these hospitality veterans about the actions they wish guests would avoid, the response was unanimous: Getting upset (or posting online) before discussing any hiccups with the team.
“If something isn’t right, please let us know,” urges Jill Vande Woude, CEO of the catering and restaurant group Your Farms Your Table. “Our goal is for every guest to leave 100% satisfied with both the food and the service.”
Instead of getting angry or rushing to Yelp to post a negative review, alert your server or the manager as soon as possible if a dish or detail isn’t to your satisfaction. For instance, if you slice open your steak and it arrives medium-rare when you asked for medium-well, catch your server’s attention the next time they’re nearby, and calmly explain what you found.
“Waiting until a server checks on a finished plate—or worse, the bill arrives—to mention that a dish was cold, undercooked, or incorrect gives the kitchen no chance to fix it and recover the experience,” O’Flaherty explains. “Flag down your server, or a manager if necessary, as soon as you realize something is wrong. This allows the team to correct the issue immediately, ensuring you still enjoy your meal. Our goal is to provide a memorable and exceptional experience.”
Benjamin Berg, founder of Berg Hospitality Group, agrees, adding that if you alert the staff, “we’ll bend over backward to fix it—especially if you’re kind. You get a lot further with honey than vinegar. Being rude never helps anyone.”
More Tips To Keep Top of Mind
Besides being open, prompt, and courteous with feedback when unexpected things happen, the pros have a few other habits to avoid to help us all get in good graces with restaurant staff members:
- Arriving late—or not showing up at all—without notice. When you book a table, the team is holding it for you and sacrificing other revenue if you’re tardy or absent. “No-call, no-shows“ are “the single largest headache for the front of the house,“ O’Flaherty tells Allrecipes. Not only does this disrupt the planned flow of service, but it also denies other eager guests a chance to dine and results in lower pay for the server assigned to that section. Vande Woude recommends calling the restaurant if your plans change or you notice you’re running late. O’Flaherty agrees, adding that “even a few minutes’ notice allows the restaurant to offer the table to a waiting party or adjust the staffing schedule efficiently.”
- Treating the table as yours for the entire night. Many small venues and hotspots, including Michelin-recommended Restaurant Constance, have a seating policy with a set time per party, such as 90 minutes or 2 hours. This is implemented to “respect the kitchen, our servers’ time, and other guests looking forward to enjoying their meal. If a restaurant expresses a timeframe, honor it, Vande Woude says. If you’d like more time, request this in advance. When booking your reservation, “feel free to ask about extending your time. We’ll always do our best to make it happen, because we recognize that our guests are taking time out of their busy lives to dine with us and want your experience to be special,” Vande Woude says.
- Taking photos with ring lights. Nearly every restaurant loves when you take pictures and rave about the experience to friends and on social media, however, keep in mind that “Dinner doesn’t need to be a full photo shoot,” according to Berg. By being discreet with your phone and camera use, you’re also being respectful to other diners as well as the ambiance the staff has created.
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- Drinking alcohol in excess. “We’ve seen too many situations escalate and ruin the dining experience for themselves and those around them” due to overconsumption of alcohol, Berg concedes. Know your limits and always plan ahead for a designated driver (or have your ride-share app ready) if you plan to imbibe.
- Waving, snapping, or shouting to get your server’s attention. Whether you’d like a drink refill or are ready for the bill, please “remember that a server, host, or bartender is dedicated to hospitality and deserves to be treated as a valuable professional,” urges O’Flaherty. A little eye contact can go a long way—as can kindness and respect, he adds. Try to remember the golden rule, and avoid being dismissive, shouting, or talking down to anyone on staff.
- Ignoring the staff. On the flip side of being obtrusive with your communication—but equally offensive—is disregarding the server, host, kitchen team, bussers, or managers when you encounter them. Instead of scrolling on your phone or continuing the conversation with your fellow guests, “aim to be present with your server. Make eye contact, have your order ready when they approach, and be clear and concise,” O’Flaherty says. “Showing up ready to participate in the dining experience—rather than just passively receiving it—is the best way to be a truly great guest.” Above all, keep in mind that the lasting impression you leave isn’t about the overall size of your bill; it’s about acknowledging the human effort that goes into your experience. A simple, genuine “thank you” truly resonates and shows that you value their craft and your livelihood,” he explains. (As does a tip. A 20 percent gratuity or so is definitely a “do”!)
