Key Takeaways
- Narcissistic collapse happens when a person with narcissistic personality disorder is unable to maintain their confident image after a big hit to their ego.
- Common signs of narcissistic collapse include angry outbursts, irritability, and defensive behavior.
- Being let go from a job or the breakup of a relationship are common triggers for narcissistic collapse.
Narcissistic collapse happens when a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) becomes unable to uphold their grandiose, confident image due to a perceived fatal blow to their reputation. This leads to a breakdown which manifests as angry outbursts, irritable or defensive behavior, and verbal or physical aggression. Internally the person with NPD feels a loss of sense of self along with perceived rejection and abandonment. It can result in harm to the person with NPD and those around them.
In the following we’ll explore the difference between narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder and look at the signs of narcissistic collapse and its common triggers. Then we’ll look at the effects of narcissistic collapse on the narcissist and others and explore coping strategies for others dealing with a narcissist in a collapse and recovery strategies for narcissists after a collapse.
Understanding Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder
The term narcissism gets thrown around a lot in casual conversation, usually to denote a selfish, self-serving person who doesn’t care about others. However, according to Alexandra Cromer, a Licensed Professional Counselor with Thriveworks in Richmond, VA, unlike someone you may refer to as a narcissist but has no diagnosable condition, someone with narcissistic personality disorder has an unchangeable character trait that’s been observed, confirmed, and diagnosed.
People with NPD don’t have “a lot of insight into how [their] thoughts, behaviors, [and] actions impact other people” Cromer says, “and it tends to be an enduring character trait, that while symptoms can be managed, that’s something that’s always going to be present.” In addition, underneath their grandiose personalities people with NPD have very low self-esteem, and people with the diagnosed condition are most likely to suffer from narcissistic collapse.
Signs and Symptoms of Narcissistic Collapse
The signs of narcissistic collapse can vary depending on the individual but they’ll commonly include one or more of the following:
- Angry outbursts
- Irritability
- Increases in physical or verbal aggression
- Increases in perceived rejection
- Defensive behaviors
- Depression
- Vindictive behaviors
- Withdrawal from others
The person experiencing narcissistic collapse tends to feel alone and abandoned and may lash out at those closest to them during this time. Knowing the signs and symptoms of narcissistic collapse can help the person with NPD and their loved ones know what to look for.
Common Triggers of Narcissistic Collapse
Narcissistic collapse isn’t an official diagnosis and therefore hasn’t been studied a great deal, yet some psychologists argue that the collapse signals a crumbling of the self. Cromer says, the triggers that cause the collapse could be large or small, it just has to be big enough to signal a loss of ego. For example, she points to a person who has NPD and has an identity as a super-parent whose child suddenly doesn’t listen as someone who could have a narcissistic collapse.
The most common triggers, however, appear to be being let go from a job or the breakup of a relationship. In both cases, these events can cause the person with NPD to exhibit behaviors that threaten both themselves and the people closest to them.
In the case of the person laid off from their job, they may be irritable, increase defensive behaviors, and withdraw from others. In the case of the person who is going through the breakup of a relationship, they may become vindictive, have angry outbursts, and experience depression. Either way both situations can cause narcissistic collapse in the person with NPD.
The Effects of Narcissistic Collapse
Narcissistic collapse has consequences for both the person with NPD and the people that are close to them.
On the Narcissist
The narcissist will feel like their entire sense of self has been pulled out from under them, explains Cromer, because their sense of self-worth is based on the interpretation of others. This can cause a spiral that leads them to feel alone and empty and can result in depression and even suicide.
On Others
Others who are close to the person with NPD will often realize the narcissist isn’t exhibiting their usual predictable behaviors and, therefore, start to exhibit hypervigilance or anxiety because of the narcissist. They might also distance themselves from the person with NPD in order to shield themselves from the narcissist’s behavior.
Coping Strategies for Dealing With a Narcissistic Collapse
For the individuals dealing with a person with NPD’s narcissistic collapse, Cromer recommends remembering their own sense of self. The narcissist is going to have a deflated, disrupted sense of self and they’re going to lash out at you, so you need to have a well-developed sense of self in order to withstand their criticisms and recognize that it’s not your job to fix them.
Cromer also recommends having a good support system outside of the narcissist. Having that sense of support can help remind you that you aren’t to blame in the situation. Being able to take time away or time to clear your head are also legitimate ways of coping, according to Cromer.
Anything that allows you to meet your own needs regardless of the narcissist are good ways of coping. And of course, professional help and support is always an option.
Recovery Strategies for Narcissists after a Collapse
The person with NPD can recover from a narcissistic collapse but it can be difficult. The best course of action for the narcissist, according to Cromer, is for them to try to identify their sense of self outside of other people. Getting a narcissist to acknowledge that they don’t have to be grandiose or impressive to receive love can work but it depends on the narcissist, and this strategy may precipitate further irritability and outbursts.
The narcissist must be willing to work on themselves and admit they’re part of the problem. If they aren’t willing to do this and they continue to blame others, they’re going to have a lower chance of recovery. For someone with NPD—and not just traits of narcissism—be aware that this may not work at all.
Similarly, while narcissists can benefit from professional counseling, they’re often resistant to it. They, one, must be willing to go to therapy and, two, must be willing to be vulnerable in therapy in order for professional counseling to work. But those that find a good therapist who can form a trusting bond with the narcissist can help them feel accepted, even with their flaws.
Navigating narcissistic collapse can be stressful both for the person with NPD and the people who are close to them. However, with some good strategies that can help both parties, narcissistic collapse can be managed.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
-
Vaknin S. Narcissistic mortification, shame, and fear. SunText Rev Neurosci Psychol. 2020;01(01).
Thanks for your feedback!
What is your feedback?
Helpful
Report an Error
Other
