Key Takeaways
- Affairs are not just about sex and can be emotional or physical.
- Emotional affairs can be as damaging as physical ones.
- An affair can be anonymous and online, but it still affects real-life relationships.
An affair is an emotionally intense, romantic relationship with someone other than your spouse or partner. Sex may or may not be involved, and the two people may not have even met in person, which can occur in an online or cyber affair.
The average affair lasts six months to one year, though some can last longer. If you are concerned that your partner may be having an affair, or even wondering if your actions may be considered cheating, it helps to know some of the most common affair types and their effects on a relationship.
What Constitutes as Having an Affair?
An affair is an act of infidelity within a committed romantic relationship. It’s generally considered a type of cheating that involves intense, passionate emotional or physical attachment. Rarely is the term “affair” applied to a one-time event.
Other Names for an Affair
Affairs are commonly described as “infidelity” or “cheating.” When the affair includes one or two married people, it may also be called “adultery” or an “extramarital affair.” An affair can go by other names as well, depending on the characteristics or type of affair.
Infidelity, and by extension affairs, can be difficult to define as people set different boundaries for their relationships about what is considered cheating. But like other types of cheating, an affair, at its core, is a betrayal of trust.
An affair can cause significant distress in relationships, and there are many reasons why people cheat on their partners. That’s why it is so important to know your definition of infidelity and set the boundaries and expectations within your relationship.
Types of Affair Relationships
You might hear an affair being referred to by a variety of names, with some variations of the term having been adopted by people in consensually nonmonogamous relationships as well. Common types of affairs include the following.
Romantic Affair
Affairs can be romantic, which are sometimes referred to as an “affair of the heart.” Romantic affairs are commonly in the form of sexual liaisons that include some level of romance and emotional attachment.
When agreed to by both parties, the term romantic relationship may also be used to describe a form of non-monogamy. However, this is less common.
Casual Affair
A casual affair is commonly a mainly physical sexual relationship between two people without the expectation of a more formalized romantic relationship. It may also be referred to as a “fling.”
Emotional Affair
A platonic or nonsexual relationship may also be considered an affair when two people are emotionally involved. An emotional affair lacks sexual intimacy but has intense or enduring emotional intimacy. The intimacy involved in emotional affairs can be deeper and more intense than the intimacy in a solely sexual affair.
Additionally, emotional affairs can evolve into sexual affairs and be just as threatening to the primary relationship. Even when this type of affair doesn’t cross the line into becoming physical, the impact can be just as detrimental.
The effects of an emotional affair are often more impactful to women whereas men are typically more impacted by physical infidelity.
Cyber Affair
An online or cyber affair can occur via chat, webcam, email, or text. It may be completely anonymous or be between people who know basic information about one another, such as their names, but have never met.
This type of affair may also occur with someone the person knows in real life. A cyber affair can be strictly emotional. However, many internet affairs contain sexual undertones, such as by sharing sexual images or exchanging sexual fantasies.
The partners involved in a cyber affair may never meet in person. But the emotional connection and often sensual nature of the affair can strain the committed relationships that one or both of the participants are in.
Sanctioned Affair
The term “affair” might also be used to describe an agreement within an open marriage or relationship. With a sanctioned affair, a couple agrees upon which forms of sex or emotional intimacy are permitted with someone other than their primary partner. These may include swinging, dating, polyamory, and ménages à trois or group sex.
An open marriage or consensual nonmonogamy that works for both parties must play by the rules that are agreed upon at the start. Otherwise, this type of affair is no longer “sanctioned.”
Is Having an Affair a Good Idea?
Affairs are inherently personal. They complicate committed relationships and bring with them many emotions, both bad and good. Some people who are involved in an affair find it disappointing and not worth the emotional toll it takes on them and their marriage or partnership.
Coping With a Partner Who Is Having an Affair
Though there is no single act or behavior that should raise suspicions of an affair, there are certain warning signs that may indicate that your partner is having one. Signs of an affair can include if your partner is secretive, avoids your calls at certain times, comes home smelling different, or if there are changes in your sex life.
If confirmed, there are ways to cope when your partner is unfaithful. While an extramarital affair and infidelity commonly result in a couple going their separate ways, that doesn’t always have to be the case.
After interviewing 16 couples who chose to stay together after infidelity, a 2023 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that recovering is a process. This process involves establishing accountability, focusing on reconnection, re-establishing trust, and moving deeper into forgiveness.
Having a partner cheat on you can wreak havoc on your mental health. Take care of yourself, listen to your thoughts and feelings, and reach out for support when you need it.
When an Affair Affects Your Relationship
If you had an affair and are struggling with the consequences, there are steps you can take to try to repair your relationship with your partner. They include ending the affair, accepting responsibility, and apologizing.
If your partner had an affair and wants to reconcile, you will need to decide whether you’re willing and able to give them a second chance. Just as in any personal relationship, there are no right or wrong answers when it comes to dealing with an affair in a committed partnership or marriage.
Sometimes an affair can break up a marriage. Other couples recover and save their relationship through communication and professional help. The important thing is to decide what is best for you.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
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