Key Takeaways
- The “wall of awful” describes a mental barrier that makes starting important tasks feel extremely hard for people with ADHD.
- The wall builds over time from shame, fear, and past negative experiences, and can affect self-esteem and mental health.
- Small steps, kinder self-talk, and support from a therapist can help make the wall feel more manageable.
When you have attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), “simple” tasks can seem insurmountable. This is a feature of executive dysfunction—or difficulty managing certain cognitive skills like planning, self-regulation, and starting tasks. People who experience this are sometimes called “lazy,” but this could not be further from the truth! When you have executive dysfunction, you truly want to do the task, but can’t bring your brain and body to act out your commands.
One of the many ways that executive dysfunction can manifest for ADHDers is the “wall of awful.” While not a clinical term, the wall of awful is a useful analogy coined by Brendan Mahan, MEd, MS, to help understand and cope with executive functioning difficulties. If you have ADHD, it can help you understand the struggles you are facing. If you know someone with ADHD, it can help you empathize with their experience and extend compassion.
What Is the Wall of Awful?
The “wall of awful” is a metaphorical barrier that gets in the way of doing a task or activity. Usually, the activity is something we would rather not do but which is important, like washing dishes, completing a homework assignment, or having a difficult conversation. This wall is not an exclusively ADHD experience, but ADHDers tend to struggle more for several reasons:
- ADHDers receive more criticism and rejection than non-ADHD peers
- ADHDers are at higher risk for rejection sensitivity than the rest of the population
- The ADHD brain already struggles to initiate non-preferred tasks even without the wall of awful getting in the way
Mike S, an LPC from Oregon, has ADHD and works with many ADHD clients. He shared: “I often use the metaphor of a giant hill that we need to climb before we can start driving anywhere. It’s powerful inertia, reinforced by guilt and shame. It just takes more effort, more energy, more capacity to get started doing…well, almost anything.”
The wall is built up over time. It is made of perceived failures, rejection, shame, and fear of mistakes. Past negative experiences increase fear that the next experience will also be negative, standing in the way of our ability to try again. This avoidance increases feelings of anxiety and guilt, as well as cycles of negative self-talk.
You might tell yourself, “This isn’t so hard! Why can’t I just do it?” But getting down on yourself for struggling with the wall of awful only further perpetuates feelings of shame and guilt—you experience perceived rejection and failure without even attempting the task.
The Psychological Impact of the Wall of Awful
Over time, the wall of awful can get taller if we continue to experience perceived rejection, criticism, failure, and other negative experiences. We can then internalize negative messages, such as that we are “lazy” or otherwise inadequate.
Over time, we may be less inclined to try to succeed because we anticipate falling short again. And then, when we do not try, we can get down on ourselves for not making an effort. The wall of awful can perpetuate itself in this way, growing taller and taller until it feels insurmountable.
Mike S, LPC
I often use the metaphor of a giant hill that we need to climb before we can start driving anywhere. It’s powerful inertia, reinforced by guilt and shame. It just takes more effort, more energy, more capacity to get started doing…well, almost anything.
— Mike S, LPC
This can trigger feelings of inadequacy and lead to low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. It can also cause us to develop negative schemas or core beliefs about ourselves. If I think, “I can’t do anything right,” and then I am unable to overcome the wall of awful to complete important tasks, this might reinforce to my brain that it is true that I am unable to do anything right. Then the next time I am faced with a challenge, I anticipate falling short again, making it even harder to try.
Mike S continues, “The longer I practice and the older I get, the more I see the world in relation to trauma. Pain is the most powerful teacher we’ve evolved as a species, whether that pain is physical, mental, or emotional. Traumas are not always big and discrete but can be systemic and ongoing. As a social species, we’ve gotten very good at reinforcing norms and punishing divergence from those norms. ADHD is a divergence from normal, and it is inarguably punished in multiple ways across multiple systems. That has an impact, particularly over time.”
How To Overcome the Wall of Awful
You do not have to surrender to the wall or accept it as an inevitability. If you struggle with negative self-talk and schemas around your wall of awful, cognitive behavioral therapy with a qualified mental health professional can be particularly helpful in challenging those schemas.
It can be tempting to try to leap over or smash through the wall, trying to force yourself to just do it already! But that tends to perpetuate the cycle of negative self-talk when this does not work. Instead, we can take small, manageable steps to climb over the wall of awful.
First, catch your thought spiral before it gets out of control. You can name what is happening and re-frame: “I am experiencing negative self-talk, but thoughts are not facts.” Take a moment to regulate intense feelings that may be coming up. Practice positive self-talk, and list times when you have been successful. This can help reframe those negative thoughts.
In his own life, Mike S shared, “The very best I have gotten to so far feels frustratingly, infuriatingly small, but I believe it is key to existing in a neurotypical world: Despite all of my socialization, despite all my low grades and failures and derpitude, despite how the world around me seems to be built, I have to be okay with only doing a little bit.” In other words, be kind to yourself!
Practical Tips for Managing the Wall
Sometimes tasks feel so big that they are impossible. These simple mantras can help break down big tasks into more manageable pieces:
- “Just start. Don’t finish.” When something feels too big to complete, getting started can feel impossible. For example, if the sink is full of dishes, just wash one plate. Once that plate is washed, you might find that you have the motivation to do a few more. If not, you at least did one small part of your task!
- “Done is best.” Perfectionism is often a side effect of rejection sensitivity, and it can feel impossible to start if you know that the outcome will not be perfect. If it just needs to be off your list, accept a finished product even if it is not perfect.
- “Your best is different every day.” No one performs at the same level all the time. Something might be more difficult today than it was yesterday, and that is okay. It does not mean you have failed.
- “It’s ok if this is hard for me.” It can be easy to tell yourself that you “should” be able to do something that appears simple. But just because it feels simple does not mean it is easy.
- “What can I learn from this?” Even if you were not successful in your initial goal, any failure is an opportunity to learn. You can develop a new skill to help you accomplish your goals in the future.
Remember that it is okay to struggle even with tasks that seem simple or basic, and it can get better. A therapist can help you change your thought patterns and show yourself more kindness. Re-framing the experience and changing how you approach the wall can also help you climb over it.
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ADHD Essentials. The Wall of Awful.
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