Key Takeaways
- An exclusive relationship means you and your partner agree not to date other people.
- You might be ready to be exclusive if you spend a lot of time with your partner and see a future with them.
- It’s important to be clear about what you want before talking to your partner about being exclusive.
If you’re seeing someone casually and things are going well, the thought of being exclusive with them may cross your mind. An exclusive relationship is where both partners agree to focus on each other and not see other people.
“An exclusive relationship is typically the natural progression on the path to a more committed, monogamous relationship,” says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University, New York City.
How Exclusivity Changes Your Relationship
Being exclusive with your partner can alter the dynamics of your relationship and also have an impact on your mental health. Let’s explore some of the implications of exclusivity below.
Implications on the Relationship
The exclusivity label often serves as a test drive for relationships as people try out this deeper level of commitment and get to know their partner in this new role.
Being exclusive can be a trial period in which you and your partner can test and determine whether you can manage and enjoy this progression in your relationship. It allows you the opportunity to make a commitment without taking on more serious labels and all the expectations and changes that might come with them.
This level of commitment is likely to lead to a sense of comfort and an increased sense of safety for you and your partner. As a result, the relationship often gains more depth. For example, once your partner makes a commitment to the relationship, you might make more self-disclosures, which in turn deepens trust and has a cyclical effect.
Impact on Your Mental Health
Many people experience a feeling of comfort and relief during this stage of the relationship because it moves out of the territory where they are constantly questioning their role in their partner’s life and having doubts about where they stand.
Removing these doubts can free up space to get to know the other person better and also allow you to reveal more of yourself without the threat of abandonment looming overhead.
Are You Ready to Be Exclusive?
Here are some signs that can indicate you’re ready to be in an exclusive relationship with your partner, as well as some signs that you’re not ready yet.
Signs You’re Ready for an Exclusive Relationship
- You spend a lot of time together: If this person already occupies a significant place in your life, it could be a sign that you’re ready to be in a committed relationship with them. For example, you speak to them daily and spend time with them multiple times per week.
- You’ve had an argument and resolved it: Another important consideration is that you have experienced small fights or misunderstandings that you were able to manage. Small ruptures in the early stages of a relationship are crucial because they are diagnostic of how you will work together to manage problems in the future and can signal if disagreements will make you stronger or pull you apart.
- You see this person in your future: It’s a good sign if you envision a future with your partner. For instance, you might be able to visualize their presence at a family gathering or be excited to invite them to an important event that’s a few months away.
- You don’t want to date other people: You are not interested in investing time/energy/attention into dating or seeing other people romantically (and if you haven’t done so already, are telling/have told others that you have someone you are interested in focusing on)
- You’re ready for emotional intimacy: You are open to being vulnerable and being truly seen by this person, and you want to know them more deeply and intimately.
- You’re sharing important parts of your life with them: You have introduced this person to important people in your life.
- You prioritize and make time for each other: You both make sure you are spending the time and attention you need to give to foster and maintain a healthy relationship.
Signs You’re Not Ready for an Exclusive Relationship
Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD
A major sign that you are not ready for an exclusive relationship is that you cannot envision yourself being with this person long-term.
— Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD
- You cannot see a future with them: The exclusive label is usually a stepping stone to a more serious commitment, so if you do not intend to take that step, it generally is not in your best interest to become exclusive.
- You still want to meet new people: If you still have the desire to meet new people, wonder what else could be out there, think you could find someone better matched to you or still want to maintain contact with other potential romantic partners, these are signs that being exclusive might not be something you are genuinely interested in doing.
- You feel pressure to be exclusive: It is important to identify and understand factors contributing to your decision to be exclusive, such as pressure from your partner, parents, or even yourself to be in a committed relationship, without considering the actual person to whom you would be committing.
Making the Transition to Exclusivity
If you think you’re ready to commit to exclusivity, Romanoff shares some tips that can help you broach the subject with your partner:
- Know what you want: First, be clear with yourself and identify what you would like from your partner. It usually is not helpful to enter these conversations asking questions like, “What are we?” because it gives your partner all the power and reduces you to a passive position. Instead, be clear about what you want and see if they want the same thing.
- Have the conversation in person: Once you are clear that you want to be in an exclusive relationship, you should have this conversation with your partner in person, if possible. Although this might seem daunting, it’s the best way to have these discussions because you can gauge your partner’s reactions, and there is less room for miscommunication.
- Share your feelings: People usually are most satisfied with these conversations when they disclose more of their own thought processes and feelings to their partners. For example, you could tell them how you feel about them and explain why you want to make this step.
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