What Sexual Intimacy Is and How to Increase It

Key Takeaways

• Being intimate with a partner sexually can lead to a happier mood and less stress.
• Spending quality time together without distractions can make sex more intimate.
• Flirting and foreplay can make your sex life better and more satisfying.

Building sexual intimacy begins outside the bedroom. Here are some non-physical ways to enhance intimacy with a partner.

Make Time to Be Together

When our calendars are packed, it’s important to schedule time for intimacy. We can do this by setting aside quality time regularly, as we would for any other priority in our lives. During this time, turn off the cell phones and get rid of other distractions to better concentrate on each other.

Make It Okay to Enjoy Sex

Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that it’s okay to want sexual pleasure. This reminder can help us initiate sex more frequently, and having more sex with our significant other can make our bond stronger—potentially even contributing to a longer relationship.

Communicate Openly

For more intimate sex, it’s important to truly listen to your partner. Some individuals need intimacy before engaging in sex, while others may prefer sexual connection first. Open communication helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures both partners’ needs are understood.

Keeping an open line of communication enables us to learn about our partner’s desires and preferences in terms of sexual intimacy.

Strengthen Emotional Intimacy

Sharing emotions and being vulnerable can be challenging, especially in intimate relationships. However, developing greater emotional intimacy builds stronger trust.

When trust is present, partners are often more willing to try new things, such as being playful or exploring sexual fantasies. This openness can boost excitement and satisfaction, leading to a closer connection and greater sexual enjoyment.

Be Appreciative

Another way to increase sexual intimacy is to express thanks for our partner’s loving gestures. If they drove the kids to sports practice or cooked a special dinner, tell them that their actions are appreciated.

It’s easier to be in the mood for sexual activities when we feel appreciated. Plus, when we express gratitude to our partners, they are also more motivated to fill our sexual needs. That makes this sexual intimacy tip a benefit for both parties involved.

Physical Ways to Increase Sexual Intimacy

There are also several physical ways to spice up our relationship. Exciting activities that can lead to intimate sex run the gamut from kissing to oral sex. Here are some other physical things we can do.

Be Flirty

When we’re in a long-term relationship, we sometimes forget the value of being flirty with our partner. But taking this approach is one way to promote their desire for sex, leading to greater sexual intimacy.

Research indicates that the type of flirting that is most effective can vary based on sex. While flirtatious acts that suggest greater sexual access tend to work better for men, those that suggest an emotional commitment and/or exclusivity are often more effective for women.

Sending an R-rated text may be more effective for male partners while sending a text that reinforces a commitment to the relationship may work better for a female partner.

Engage in Foreplay

Some couples may feel as if there’s not enough time for foreplay before sex, especially if they have kids or a busy home and work life. But foreplay can increase sexual enjoyment while also leading to easier orgasm. So, there are benefits to allowing time for arousal.

Foreplay is an important step in warming up to intimate sex. Simply kissing our partner tenderly or giving them a sensual massage can set the mood for what’s to come.

Lock Eyes

Prolonged eye contact from across the room or during foreplay is another way to physically engage with our partners, increasing their desire for intimate sex. Looking intently at the person we love can show our readiness to move forward intimately.

Express Physical Affection

Physical affection can be expressed through multiple gestures. We can cuddle on the couch, massage our partner’s shoulders, or hold their hands. Sensual forms of intimacy are important too, like sharing a delicious, decadent dessert or having our partner massage our body with oils.

Don’t Forget Orgasms

In one study about partner intimate touch and interpersonal closeness, scientists measured closeness after orgasmic meditation, a partnered non-verbal practice that includes genital touch. Researchers found that partner-intimate touching increased feelings of closeness.

This point may be more important for women as studies have found that they typically have more orgasms when in a committed relationship as opposed to when they participate in casual sex.

Getting Help for More Intimate Sex

A warm and intimate sex life supports greater health. For individuals who are having difficulties in their sexual relationships or can’t find closeness and connectedness with the people they are dating or living with, it can be helpful to seek help about this matter.

Both in-person and online sex therapy practitioners can help uncover issues, and then work to turn them around. Don’t be embarrassed about looking for such assistance. These well-trained specialists can offer guidance on how to find the loving and satisfying relationships we seek…and truly deserve.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

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By Barbara Field

Barbara is a writer and speaker who is passionate about mental health, overall wellness, and women’s issues.

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