Adolescence isn’t always easy, and teens face many concerns and struggles that can affect their mental well-being. While therapy for teens can be helpful, not every teen is willing to try it. So, what do you do if your child needs help but refuses to go to therapy?
Some teens are happy to go to therapy. They enjoy talking to an objective adult who can assist with some of their problems. However, not all teens are on board with therapy, and convincing a reluctant teen to go to counseling can feel like an uphill battle.
The experience may leave parents asking questions like: Should I force my child to see a therapist? Can I bribe my kid to go? Should I just give up on the idea of therapy?
At a Glance
If you suspect your teen has a mental health problem, behavior disorder, or substance use issue, treatment is important. There are several things you can do to help your teen get the treatment they need. If your teen refuses therapy, you still have options. For example, you might suggest they try a few sessions before making a decision or offer online therapy as an option. Let’s take a closer look at why some teens may balk at the idea of therapy, and what you can do to help them.
Reasons Your Teen Might Refuse Therapy
Therapy can seem intimidating, especially for those with no prior experience. Teens might refuse therapy for several reasons:
- Stigma can make them feel ashamed or embarrassed about needing help.
- They might believe that therapy, medication, or lifestyle changes won’t be effective.
- They may not think anything is wrong that requires treatment.
- Their symptoms might make them feel hopeless or unmotivated to seek help.
During their teen years, kids often focus on developing personal identities and independence. They might fear therapy could undermine their sense of control and autonomy.
Should You Force Your Teen to Get Treatment?
A teen who feels forced into treatment usually won’t be motivated to change. While they might attend appointments, they are unlikely to discuss their issues productively.
However, it’s still beneficial to require them to attend a few sessions.
A skilled therapist might help your teen feel more comfortable over time. Sometimes, teens who claim to dislike therapy may be having productive discussions with their therapist but might not want you to know they find it helpful.
There are situations where your teen needs help regardless of their willingness. If they are at risk of harming themselves or others, call 911 or go to the emergency room. If they engage in risky behavior, treatment should be mandatory.
How to Bring Up the Subject With Your Teen
If you believe your teen might benefit from counseling, how you introduce the topic is critical. Your initial conversation will likely influence your teen’s outlook on therapy.
Teens often feel embarrassed about their problems and might find it difficult to admit they need help. To avoid causing feelings of shame avoid suggesting your teen is “crazy” or incapable of making good choices. Instead, explain why you believe counseling could be beneficial and ask for their input. Be open to listening to their opinions.
You might say, “I wonder if it would be helpful for you to talk to someone besides me,” or, “I don’t always know how to help with your problems, so maybe talking to someone who works with teens could be useful.”
If you’ve personally attended therapy, consider sharing this experience with your teen to help normalize it and reduce stigma.
Talk to Your Teen’s Doctor
Whether you are concerned about possible ADHD, or you think your teen may have depression, start by talking to your teen’s primary care physician. A doctor can assess your teen’s needs and help determine whether they would benefit from counseling.
If further treatment is necessary, a doctor can identify your child’s most appropriate services and treatment professionals. Even if your teen isn’t willing to attend those services, understanding your options and resources is essential.
Even if your teen isn’t willing to listen to your recommendations about how counseling can be helpful, they may be willing to listen to their doctor. Your child’s doctor may be able to explain how counseling works and how treatment could address the symptoms.
Options When Your Teen Refuses Counseling
If your teen refuses to go to counseling, don’t despair. You still have several options about how to get help.
Try Therapy Yourself
Seek counseling on your own without your teen. Often, parent-training can be one of the most effective ways to help teens. A therapist may be able to teach you how to coach your child. If your teen knows you’re going to counseling to talk about them, they might also be interested in going to share “their side” of the story.
Talk to the School Counselor
Speak with your teen’s school guidance counselor. Discuss whether any services are available within the school system to help your child. A teen who won’t meet with a counselor outside of school may be willing to speak with a guidance counselor.
Create a Contract
Create a contract with your teen. If it’s a mild issue that you’re concerned about, create a contract with your teen. Tell your teen that they have to go to a certain number of sessions before they can make a decision about whether to continue treatment.
Consider Online Counseling
Sometimes, teens who won’t speak to someone face-to-face will consider talking to a therapist online. Online treatment isn’t appropriate for every condition, so it’s important to speak to a therapist or your teen’s physician about the potential pros and cons before you begin treatment.
Keep in Mind
It can be challenging if your teen is reluctant or refuses to go to therapy, but there are things you can do to help them feel more comfortable. Start by talking about the topic, and help them understand that therapy is not shameful or embarrassing. You may even consider enlisting the help of your child’s doctor or school counselor. If your child still refuses, other options are available, like online therapy or family therapy.
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