Key Takeaways
- Talk about what moving in means to both of you and what your future together looks like.
- Make sure you’re financially ready and have open talks about money with your partner.
- Communicate often and stay independent to keep the relationship healthy.
If you and your boo have been seeing each other for some time and things are going well, the thought of moving in together may start to cross your mind.
Living together is a pretty big step, so whether it’s your first time or you’ve lived with a partner before, you probably want to make sure you’re ready to take that leap.
“Moving in together means you’re making a significant investment in the relationship,” says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a professor and clinical psychologist in New York City.
At a Glance
Moving in together with your partner is a huge step in the relationship, so we get that it can feel scary.
While each couple is on a different path and timeline, some common signs that you’re ready to take that leap include the fact that you’re basically living together already, you’re ready to deepen the commitment, you’re both on the same page, and you’ve discussed finances (this is important!).
It’s also important to note that even if you’re living with your partner, it’s crucial to maintain your own independence and have your alone time outside of the relationship.
Sure Signs That You’re Ready to Move in Together
Dr. Romanoff lists some signs that you’re ready to move in with your partner, as well as some indications that you’re not quite there yet (and there’s nothing wrong with that!).
You’re Basically Living Together Already
If you feel as if you’re basically living with your partner already, it could be a sign that you’re ready to move in together. For instance, you might spend five or six nights a week together and find that this arrangement works seamlessly for you both.
You’re Ready to Deepen Your Commitment
Another sign is that you want to make a greater commitment to your partner. The prospect of waking up next to them every day excites you rather than inspiring feelings of terror.
You’re Both on the Same Page
You and your partner want the same things and are clear about where the relationship is headed.
Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD
Before you move in, you should have a conversation about what the move means to each of you and what you see for your collective future.
— Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD
Otherwise, having different expectations and timelines can lead to a lot of friction and disappointment.
You’ve Discussed Finances
Moving in with a partner is different than living with a roommate, as the financial structure of the relationship is not as clear and concise. There are many more grey areas, and that speaks to the need for a thorough conversation about finances.
Feeling stable in your financial situation with your partner, having open discussions about money, and navigating fiscal planning together indicates that you’re not only ready to move in together but that you’re equipped to manage most of the hardships couples struggle with in the early stages of cohabitation.
You’re Not Moving in to Solve a Problem
People who move in together to solve a problem tend to struggle because moving in will only be a short-term solution to a problem that will exist deeper into the relationship.
You should move in together when you feel that this step is symbolic of becoming more committed to each other, while also holding the understanding that you are each two separate beings who can maintain a level of independence from each other.
You’re not ready to move in if you’re primarily motivated by factors that seem like solutions to problems, such as moving in for financial reasons or trying to resolve trust issues by physically keeping track of your partner.
Tips to Help You Adapt to Living Together
Below, Dr. Romanoff shares some tips that can help you adapt to living with your partner.
Check in With Each Other Regularly
The early stages of moving in are important because you’re learning about each other and navigating this new experience together.
This fosters a sense of consideration and acknowledgment of the things you appreciate about each other and what could be done to improve the relationship.
Keep Communication Lines Open
Overcommunicate about everything. If something bugs you about your partner, be proactive in creating solutions and communicating what doesn’t work for you.
Communicating your needs and priorities upfront will save you a great deal of time and stress down the line, before problematic behaviors become entrenched patterns.
Maintain Your Independence
When you move in with a partner, it’s important to create and maintain your own alone time and independence.
It’s essential for each of you to maintain your own distinct worlds and then come back together to invigorate and strengthen the relationship. If either of you does not make efforts to do this, you can easily become codependent and resentful of each other. This can take a toll on your mental health and your relationship.
What to Do If It Doesn’t Work Out
If the living situation is not working, Dr. Romanoff recommends asking for what you need instead of staying silent. She says even if you and your partner were secure and in-sync before the move, this is a significant transition and will require a great deal of flexibility, self-reflection, and compromise on each partner’s part.
“Go in with the expectation that this will be challenging, and make the commitment to each other to speak up when something doesn’t work, with the intent of preserving the relationship,” says Romanoff.
What This Means For You
Deciding to move in with your partner is a big decision that has a significant impact on your relationship and your life. It’s important to make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and that you and your partner are aligned on factors like your future and finances. You should feel ready to deepen your commitment to your partner and excited about the prospect of living together.
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