I’m a lesbian who loves gay romance. And no, not just stories about queer women—although of course, those too—but also gay male media. My girlfriend and I have binged the likes of Young Royals, Fellow Travellers, and Red, White & Royal Blue. This year, we were even Jack and Ennis from Brokeback Mountain for Halloween. So as Heated Rivalry, HBO Max’s newest gay TV show, took the world by storm in the last few weeks, I, too, became someone who eagerly awaits episode drops every Friday night.
Based on the novel by Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry follows two top hockey players, Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander, who start a secret romance that continues across many years as they navigate balancing their public fame with their private relationship. And as the show has garnered significant attention—from its gripping sex scenes to the classic enemies-to-lovers trope—it isn’t just queer audiences that are singing its praises. Maybe surprisingly to some, straight women are just as invested—if not even more so.
This phenomenon is hardly new. Women account for nearly half of viewers of gay male porn, according to a recent study. There’s also the growing popularity of “fujoshi”—a Japanese term for women who seek out male/male romance content. Clearly, there have always been straight women who enjoy consuming media about gay male relationships. But what makes this romance genre in books, movies, and TV shows like Heated Rivalry so appealing to them? We spoke to sex therapists to get their take.
Queer sex breaks the mold of restrictive dynamics.
Possibly one of the most obvious aspects of depictions of queer sex is its subversion of more traditional ideas of physical intimacy. Gay sex can mean different things to different people; when Ilya and Shane meet up in Shane’s hotel room for the first time, viewers—and even the characters themselves—don’t know exactly how the scene will play out. In contrast, “standard heteronormative thinking often dictates that men and women have fixed, specific, and complementary roles in a sexual relationship,” Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons, PhD, associate professor at Emory University’s School of Public Health and author of Good Sex, tells SELF. In other words, the stereotypical flow of straight sex—make out, missionary, man orgasms—doesn’t leave a lot of room for imagination and expression. Gay sex proposes an alternative: pleasure where penetrative sex isn’t always the goal and your gender doesn’t determine your role.
When straight women engage in gay male media, then, there may be more room to imagine alternatives for themselves, Hargons adds. “This exposure to fluid, non-traditional relationship dynamics can be immensely beneficial, allowing them to envision more equitable and satisfying arrangements in their own heterosexual relationships as well.”
Being unburdened by pressure and performance leaves more room for fantasy.
And while the absence of women at the center of gay romance might seem like a deterrence for straight women, it can actually be freeing. “Without a woman character to compare themselves to or ‘perform through,’ viewers can focus on desire, intimacy, and emotional connection in a way that feels playful rather than pressured,” explains Tennessee-based queer sex therapist, Dr. Emma Smith, PhD.
