Key Takeaways
- Even though people with Type A personalities and Type B personalities are very different in their habits and approaches to things like work and interpersonal relationships, that doesn’t mean that they are incompatible.
- Just like any romantic relationship—there are actually many advantages to dating someone with a different personality type than you.
- An openness to change can facilitate better communication within the relationship.
We’ve all heard of “Type A” and “Type B” personalities, with both often falling into a number of common stereotypes. But can a person with a Type A personality be in a successful relationship with someone who’s Type B?
Advantages of a Type A/Type B Relationship
While it might seem as though Type A personalities and Type B personalities have some irreconcilable differences, a relationship between a Type A and Type B can actually be very successful.
- You can balance each other out: The B can teach the A how to relax more and let themselves off the hook, which can lead to less stress in A’s life and therefore less stress in the relationship.
- You can learn from each other: For instance. the A can teach the B the benefits of hard work and goal orientation, and support them with concepts (and actions) like motivation and achievement. “Type A tends to go, go, go, which can lead to burnout, and two Type As can feed off of each other in unhealthy ways,” explains Amy Marschall, PsyD. “On the other hand, the Type A can perhaps encourage and motivate the Type B individual towards their goals if they have a less intense drive. You can bring out the best in each other.”
- You can lean into your own strengths: The B is unlikely to step on the A’s toes when it comes to planning or taking charge of situations. This can make it easier to delegate responsibilities within the relationship because each person leans a different way—the A gets to do what they like and are best at (like planning), leaving the B to take care of other things (like creative problem-solving).
- You’re less likely to butt heads with each other: It is also likely that arguments between a Type A personality and a Type B personality will have less intensity and be resolved more quickly because the A doesn’t have another stubborn A to contend with. Because Type Bs are generally more able to compromise and find middle ground than their Type A counterparts, fights between a Type A person and a Type B person can have less “bite.”
Disadvantages of a Type A/Type B Relationship
Just like in any relationship, there can be challenges in a Type A/Type B partnership.
- Steamrolling/being steamrolled: The assertiveness, competitiveness, and need for dominance that a Type A exhibits can make the B feel as though they can’t express themselves. B might not be sure how to advocate for themselves in the relationship, especially if they feel as though they can’t talk with their Type A partner about what they need. This can lead to built-up resentment and conflict down the road.
- Imbalance in the relationship: In addition, if the B partner constantly takes a backseat when it comes to planning and consistently expects their A partner to make all the plans and take care of everything themselves, the A might get frustrated and wish the B would take some initiative. This might be difficult for the B, especially if it does not naturally occur to them that they should adopt this work ethic; and their inability to “step up to the plate” in the eyes of the A can leave the A feeling unsupported and unappreciated.
- Miscommunication issues. If each partner expects certain things from the other but assumes that because they themselves function one way, their partner will function in the same way, this can lead to conflict and resentment—especially if each person does not clearly communicate what they need.
- A clash in traits: A Type B’s laidback nature and lack of focus can get on a Type A’s nerves, whereas an A’s insistence that things should be exactly the way they want them to be can bother a B.
- You might want different things: The differences in interests and priorities can also cause difficulties in a Type A/Type B relationship, explains Yolanda Renteria, LMFT. Specifically, look out for “the conflict that arises when partners try to force the other to be more like them, or the distance that can be created between them if their life goals and interests are completely different.”
Strategies for Navigating a Type A/Type B Relationship
Navigating a Type A/Type B relationship comes down to communication and understanding.
“Just like any relationship, communicate what you need to your partner,” says Marschall. “Get on the same page, and be clear. Also remember that it’s OK that you have different needs, and both sides can compromise to find a middle ground.”
If You’re Type A
If you’re the Type A, it’s important to:
- Accept that your partner might not be as motivated or assertive as you are—and that’s OK! People are different, and those differences can complement each other when you learn to stop expecting your partner to do things and feel things exactly the same way you do. “Try to see your partner’s differences as strengths instead of as personality flaws,” says Renteria. “For example, type A partners can see their partner’s calmness as a resource they can lean into.”
- Clearly communicate what you need from your Type B partner. For example, if it’s not their first inclination to help you with things like planning and goals for the household or relationship, tell them exactly what gestures and actions you need from them. If you are expecting them to help you plan a trip but never tell them that that’s what you want from them—especially if they’re not the “planning” type—how are they supposed to know?
- At the same time, try not to project your ambitions and needs onto your Type B partner. Just because they might tend to procrastinate or approach things with less of a go-getter attitude does not mean that they won’t achieve their goals or get things done that they need to do. Remember that they just have a different way of doing things.
If You’re Type B
If you’re Type B:
- Accept that your Type A partner might not be as laid-back or able to compromise as you are. You two have different skills and different approaches to both problems and achievements, and acknowledging that can help you understand your partner better and not expect things from them of which they are not capable.
- If your partner needs something from. you, listen and do your best to accommodate them, even if it’s not something you would naturally do. This doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs or doing something that’s not good for you; instead, it means you might have to make an effort to do something for your partner that’s a little out of your comfort zone, like helping them plan your vacation or being proactive about things like chores.
- Make an effort to understand your Type A partner’s motivations and goals. Talking about what they are working towards can help you as a Type B realize what they are trying so hard to accomplish. This can help you accept and even support your partner as they reach for those achievements—even if they are achievements you wouldn’t normally care about. “Type B partners can view their partner’s driven personality as an invitation to challenge themselves to grow,” explains Renteria. So instead of seeing your Type A partner’s intense motivation as something intimidating or unreasonable, try looking at it as a possibility to improve your own life as well.
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