Key Takeaways
- Internalized homophobia can lead to self-hatred and negative self-perception.
- Therapy can help people explore and understand internalized homophobia.
- Internalized homophobia may lead to depression and anxiety.
Having an LGBTQIA+ identity rarely occurs without challenges through life. You may feel misunderstood by your friends, not accepted by your family, or experience discrimination. The last thing you need is to internalize negative ideas about your identity.
Unfortunately, something like internalized homophobia—which can encompass a range of negative attitudes toward homosexuality—is all too common.
“Internalized homophobia is a process through which dominant homophobic narratives infiltrate a queer person’s thoughts and feelings in ways that lead them to be self-critical,” says queer psychotherapist and clinical supervisor Madison McCullough, LCSW. She notes that this process might be subconscious, and a person might not even have realized when it’s occurred.
As you can expect, internalized homophobia has negative consequences for those who suffer from it.
Internalized homophobia can lower self-esteem, increase feelings of loneliness and isolation, and ultimately lead to depression and anxiety.
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MADISON MCCULLOUGH, LCSW
We’ll examine why internalized homophobia happens, how to recognize if it’s an issue in your life, and what you can do to try to move past it.
Factors Contributing to Internalized Homophobia
There is no single life circumstance that causes us to internalize homophobia. Rather, any variety of factors may lead us to feel negatively about ourselves. Here are some reasons for this phenomenon.
Family and Upbringing
If you were brough up thinking that queerness was wrong, it can be hard to let that go. “Familial attitudes absorbed during upbringing, where non-heteronormative orientations are consciously or subconsciously portrayed as less valid or moral,” can cause internalized homophobia, says Rebecca Minor, LICSW, Gender Specialist.
Societal and Cultural Influences
If you live in a major city in the U.S., it can be easy to forget that most places are much less progressive. However, many parts of the world, and even of this country, just aren’t accepting of LGBTQIA+ identities.
Religious Beliefs and Teachings
Many religions have come a long way in recent years. You might see women rabbis, or churches with rainbow flags outside them. However, it’s important to realize that many sects of major religions still think being queer is wrong or against their teachings. If you come from a religious background, this can be perilous to your identity and make for some complicated community dynamics.
Media Representation and Stereotypes
We often don’t see ourselves represented in entertainment, or if we do, it’s in a negative light marked by every stereotype or lazy narrative trope about LGBTQIA+ individuals you can think of. Seeing your own identity portrayed as a joke or a problem can easily lead you to feel badly about who you are.
Signs and Symptoms of Internalized Homophobia
You may be wondering whether or not you have internalized the homophobia you’ve seen in the world or been subjected to. These are some common signs of it:
- Self-hatred and negative self-perception
- Fear of rejection and discrimination
- Difficulty accepting one’s sexual orientation
- Internal conflicts and emotional distress
In addition to these signs, McCullough notes that more nuanced ways of internalizing homophobia may also occur.
A very common manifestation of internalized homophobia is not feeling queer ‘enough,’ or feeling like you have to engage in certain behaviors in order for your queerness to be ‘legitimate.’
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MADISON MCCULLOUGH, LCSW
McCullough adds that “these beliefs are steeped in internalized homophobia because they are based on unrealistic ideals of queerness that do not actually exist.” That sentiment resonates with me personally, as a person who has been told that I “don’t look gay” for the entirety of my adult life.
Minor says that feelings of shame may also accompany internalized homophobia. This “may include a persistent discomfort with one’s sexual orientation, denial of one’s true identity, or engaging in negative self-talk specifically related to one’s LGBTQ+ identity,” they explain.
Impact of Internalized Homophobia on Mental Health
Internalized homophobia can have hugely negative consequences on a person’s mental health. It can make our relationships more challenging and less satisfying and make us more likely to suffer from substance abuse and suicidal ideation.
“Internalized homophobia can significantly impact individuals by fostering feelings of shame, self-doubt, and internal conflict regarding their sexual orientation,” says Minor. Additionally, internalized homophobia may lead to depression and anxiety.
Overcoming Internalized Homophobia
As unfortunate as the consequences of internalized homophobia are, the good news is that you have options. You don’t have to live in this negative mindset. Instead, there are steps you can take to make your mindset a more healthy and loving one.
Minor says that to overcome this, we first must acknowledge and recognize the problem. Then, they recommend therapy. “Engaging in LGBTQ+-affirming therapy can provide a supportive space to explore and understand these internalized attitudes,” they say. McCullough agrees, explaining that it “can be a really helpful place to gently challenge self-critical beliefs that are fueled by internalized homophobia.”
Finding community can also be very beneficial. No one wants to be alone, and the more we are able to see ourselves in others the better we can feel.
Building a supportive community, whether through friends, support groups, or online platforms, can also be incredibly valuable.
Learning about queer history to help us find a sense of place, and can also help us to understand the progress that has been made in the last century. “Educating oneself about LGBTQ+ histories and cultures can foster a sense of pride and connection,” recommends Minor.
The media you consume can also help you move past your internalized homophobia. “Seek out narratives via books, movies, TV shows, social media, and beyond that illustrate the many different queer ways of being—and thriving,” suggests McCullough.
Building Resilience and Self-Acceptance
It takes work, but it’s completely possible to move into a place of accepting, and even really loving, your LGBTQIA+ identity. “Practicing self-compassion and challenging negative self-beliefs is key to moving towards self-love and acceptance,” says Minor. Developing a positive self-image is possible.
Choosing only to surround yourself, when possible, with people who support you and your life is also very helpful. This isn’t always plausible, especially if you are young and still living with homophobic parents, but the more you can spend your time with people who validate you, the better.
Getting involved in community, from virtual to in-person, can help us foster our sense of pride. You may choose to engage in advocacy or activism, or just attend a Pride event. To discern what will help you feel good, McCullough suggests you “try asking yourself, ‘what makes me feel the most affirmed in and excited about who I am?’ From there, see if you can creatively brainstorm ways to highlight and make more space for those parts of yourself in your day-to-day life.”
Minor notes that “this journey is personal and unique to each individual.” Whatever enables you to feel more pride and less shame is the right step for you to take, right now, and as time and your attitudes shift, you might migrate to something else.
This is a journey, not a destination! Do whatever feels right for you, whenever it does, provided you feel safe doing so.
